Thank You Dwell Magazine, for Ruining My Sunday...

It's a warm sunny Sunday, and I'm still feeling a little sick. Bummer, but it's still a nice day. I was relaxing on the couch with Benjamin and flipping through our new Dwell, hoping to find some new ideas for the house, when a full page ad caught my eye with the caption "What a Croc!" and I think, ohh! some Croc bashing! 

...wrong.

The ad goes on to say "It's hard to believe the parents were so ugly, but it's not hard to believe that these might be the most comfortable four-inch heels in history."

My hands start shaking and my right eye begins to twitch. 

"Ben! Oh my god, do you see this!?" He knows, and shares my hatred for crocs.

"I've got to go get my computer! this needs to go in my blog!"

So here I am. And I need to rant.

First, I'd like to say that I'm glad the people at Croc are willing to admit that the croc is "ugly". They say it themselves. But to try to call this monstrosity of a nasty beast a four-inch heel??? I mean come on! Technically, this thing may measure 4inches, but how DARE they call it a heel!? I am outraged! Would you call a Hershey bar gourmet chocolate? NO! Who do these people think they are? They know nothing about footwear! Let's call a spade a spade. This shoe is an effing kitchen clog for short chefs that cant reach the grill! NOT A FOUR-INCH MOTHER EFFING HEEL!

I am insulted. This is a new low for the footwear industry. It's bad enough when you see people wearing crocs out in public, but if i have to see people wearing elevated crocs and trying to pass them off as fashionable, I may just loose it. Comfort is NOT everything people! We women can not forget our duty to mankind! We are one of the only cases in nature where the female of the species is more attractive than the male. We should be proud of that, not hide it in ugly clunky comfort shoes! Our RIGHT as a woman is to wear a pair of killer sexy shoes! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!

Putting glitter on dog poop doesn't make it prettier. Croc people, I beg you... Please stick to what you know and stay out of my world. You don't know who you're messing with.

Kill me now. Please.

The two most disgusting forms of footwear had a love child. Allow me to rant for a second...

What the EFF are you people thinking? Do you have that much distain for those around you that you just decide one day, "You know... screw it, I'm going to wear what's comfortable, no matter how shitteous I look."?

Seriously!!! There are comfortable shoes that don't make you look like you are working in a kitchen or training polar bears. WTF people? The fact that crocs are doing so well makes me sick. The saddest and most egregious offense is when people put crocs on their CHILDREN!!! The poor kids have no choice in the matter. What are we teaching the next generation?? We have a responsibility people! JESUS!

Anyway, without further delay, here is the most disgusting "shoe" in the history of man kind. The Crugg.

...I am going to my room to mourn the death of integrity in footwear.