I'm flying to Macau tomorrow via no less than the magnificent Tiger Airways (trying to be ironic, in case you thought I'm serious)!!
I'd be going with Qihua and her BF so poor Mikey will be left at home alone for 4 days...
Tomorrow is the press conference for Fresh Air For Women, an anti-smoking campaign, and since I am one of the ambassadors I have to be there at 10am (Jesus!! Hate morning people).
Yesterday I bought a lo mai gai (is it spelt like that?) and I put it on the kitchen table for maybe 1 hour... The damn thing was wrapped inside 1 paper bag and the paper bag was wrapped in a plastic bag.
I took up the package, wanting to microwave it, and midway during the journey to the microwave a HUMONGOUS LIZARD JUMPED, literally JUMPED, out of the plastic bag.
He flew up scrabbling and wiggling in midway (in a rather comical way, if I were not the victim) landed with a heavy and cold THUD on the crook of my arm.
I screamed cold murder and flung both lo mai gai and lizard away while running to the bedroom and whimpered to a sleeping and confused Mike.
Amazingly enough, the lizard managed to get through both paper and plastic bag to get to the food.
AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE LIZARDS DOING EATING LO MAI GAIs ANYWAY?
Don't people who defend lizards always say, "Oh, lizards are good what, they eat our pests!"
IT IS ALL A FACADE I TELL YOU!
Lizards like our human food just like cockroaches do, and what's worse, they PRETEND to eat mosquitoes and the like!
CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME, IF YOU ATE LO MAI GAIs WILL YOU STILL GO AND EAT FLIES AFTER THAT??
No right?!
Grrrr
I swear, these fuckers just hate me!!!!!
NOBODY ELSE HAS SUCH FREQUENT LIZARD TRAUMAS!!!
Maybe they know I enjoy killing their kind. Oh yes I'm gonna redouble my efforts in killing you all you know, you dirty ugly wonky-eyed muthafuckers!!!!!!
I'd extend my reign of terror to Macau, where I will also kill the lizards there!!
Soon, Macau lizards will be whispering to each other:
"Hey... You know that blogger Xiaxue? Came here! To our very own peninsula! She is going to kill as many of us as possible!"
Terrified, lizard two replies: "How do you know this?" while he cowers in his wall corner, and clasps a filthy hand to his mouth, thus nearly falling off the ceiling. Lizard One grabs hold of him just in time.
One says: "My cousin from Singapore told me! He came all the way here via a ferry and a budget airline and relayed the news, then died of exhaustion." Lizard one adds severely, "He didn't sleep for 2 days, poor boy."
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I might be a bit deranged.
I'd be back on the 31st, and will post about the trip!
P/S: Here's a photo of a lizard I smacked to death with my bathroom slipper.
Disgusting, isn't it?
It totally serves him right because he was hiding BEHIND THE TOILET ROLL.
I cannot comprehend why anyone would go hide behind toilet rolls unless their purpose in doing so is to unleash themselves upon innocent girls who unfurled the roll of paper to wipe their asses.
That place (behinde the toilet roll) is not particularly fragrant and it is definitely not a good insect-catching spot.
Therefore, this lizard is evil.
Since he is evil, I chased him into the shower area and sprayed him with terribly hot water and when he is momentarily paralyzed, smacked him with my bathroom slipper.
SMACK!
Once, and he twitches. Oh, still alive, aren't you?
SMACK!
A last feeble twitch.
SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!
Flush corpse into toilet bowl. Revenge is sweet.
I killed one more lizard with this method.
That lizard also deserves it because he was drinking water from my bathroom.
We have to pay rent and water bills of the precious water he is drinking, and did he ask permission? NO. Sorry, water not yours to drink, therefore deserve to DIE.
Besides, he was probably the one who dared the toilet-roll-lizard to sit there and hop onto my hand after I shat, thinking it is very funny.
VERY FUNNY NOW THAT YOU LOOK LIKE THIS, HUH??
Ha! Dead.
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