Which retard do you like the best?

Mediacorp ah, mediacorp... I know lah... Many aunties like you the best, especially the Channel 8 hor, but hor, WHY YOU GO CRAZY WITH A RETARDS SPREE AH?

Channel 8, I tell you ah... That day, Shuyin told me about Tong Xin Yuan you know? Felicia Chin has a stupid name called Baobei!

I also want to be called baobei by everyone leh, like very fun right? Anyway, I thought she was just dim-witted and benign, thus causing her to be bullied by her horrible sister and mother.

From what Shuyin told me, I realised that she is not just stupid, she is... I'm not trying to be insensitive here, but I think Channel 8 meant for her to be either mentally slow or a bit crazy.

Because, her mother gave her money to buy food right, then she bought only 2 packets of food for her sister and mother, none for herself. They ate, then someone flipped the table or something.

Felicia Chin proceeded to eat from the scraps. Like a true piteous creature, she slobbered all over. I wrinkled my delicate nose at the sight.

I don't think any normal stupid person would do such a ridiculous thing. Her mom did not stop her from buying 3 packets of food, but she had to purposely buy 2 packets and torment herself in this manner.

I therefore logically conclude, Channel 8, that you guys meant for her to be mentally slow (or crazy, in which she is not as seen from later).

Frankly speaking, I am very sick of your shows. When you are not showing cancer/kidney charity shows with that Caoqibye (courtesy of Wanyi) interrupting everyone before they finish speaking (even the revered Zheng Shao Qiu), you are showing cancer/kidney DRAMAS.

As a last option you show family shows, normally oriented around a food-store, be it Nasi Lemak, Fish and Chips, or fishball factories.

I suggest, Channel 8, that your next drama serial will be on Bak Chor Mee. How interesting would that be? Wow! A bak chor mee store! Let me see... This time, we'll make the male lead fall in love with the female lead, and an evil uncle will stop them by raping the male lead and making him confused with his sexuality!

Herein comes the mee: The mother finds out about uncle - male lead incest, and kills them all with really hot spring onions and 3 kg of pork lard.

They die, and are... NO! You guessed wrong! NOT made into meatballs! They are merely buried! Later, the mother and female lead falls in love, and frolic around Siloso beach, where female lead (lightning strikes) finds out about the murder of her former love! She is very angry but she decides to take revenge by having a split personality.

The uncle and male lead's long lost twins appear, and everyone takes them for the deceased. They live happily ever after, selling bak chor mee, a bit poor, but contented.

See, Channel 8? I thought of that plot in a mere 5 minutes! I didn't HAVE to use a retard did I?

BUT YOU? You MUST put a retard into every show meh? SOMETIMES EVEN TWO!

I find it very insulting, Channel 8, that you do such a thing. I feel that you may not have meant it, but you are trying to use these retard roles to gain sympathy for your otherwise worthless dramas.

Please keep in mind there are really people around with down syndrome, and I hardly think their parents will appreciate your PERFECTLY HEALTHY ACTORS DROOLING AND WEARING HIGH-WAIST PANTS, CLAPPING AND GRINNING MANIACALLY.

No seriously, stop it already.


Seeing that you are not about to, I shall go into the spirit as well. Let's choose, among a wide range of Channel 8 nitwits, which you like best! Of course, not all of them are considered retards. Some are crazy, but definitely, all are portrayed in a way that they are below par, mental prowess-wise.

Are you ready?

The godmother of all stupid TV girls is Mo Jing Jing, sister of fat Nasi Lemak stall owner.

Marries a man who gets crippled and takes it out on her, thus becoming the epitome of the perfect wife for all insecure Singaporean men.

Oh, and his husband is also impotent and she is perfectly fine with it because she doesn't know what sex is. Perfect! I can imitate her very well. I hate Mo Jing Jing. She is the pioneer of all the Channel 8 retards.



Mo Jing Jing wannabe. Daughter of fat fishball seller. Also epitome of the perfect wife for insecure, low-income Singaporean men who feel oh-so-threatened by girls who are even slightly smart. These kinda guys are those who frequent dumbass sammyboy sgforums etc and end up repairing people's cars.

Very ironically, she likes retard number 6, who calls her ... well... a mermaid.



Oscar acting at the very least. Nick goes totally into his role of an autistic brother to deceased Christopher Lee, and is taken care of by his girlfriend Fann Wong. He has fun at playgrounds, wears his jeans real high with a tucked in tee, and acts like a down syndrome victim (in which most autistic kids are not supposed to behave like he does).

I find his acting very disturbing, not only because it is so real (he really has that look, doesn't he?), I feel that it pokes fun at down syndrome victims, albeit unintentionally.

Even worse, Fann Wong gets points for being the perfect girl as she takes care of him, giving him bambi eyes and all. In actual fact, I highly doubt she gives a flying fuck and wouldn't even look up from her nails.


Momo says she likes him. An honest, ditsy man he is.

One more fucking time I hear that "Wo bu shi ben dan, wo shi You Fu!" statement I'm gonna slash my wrists.



Shut up You Fu, you are undeniably a ben dan.




Brother to You Fu, Andrew Seow, after acting as a deaf and mute brother to someone in his last show, is now crazy. He thinks he is a doctor and dresses for the part, apparently.

I only watched that one episode of You Fu (which that big-boobed girl acted as shu nu Xiao Yan) and thankfully enough, Andrew Seow didn't appear.

A few more roles like this Andrew, and people will really call you Andrew Siao.





"Wo yao wo de mei ren yu!"

Someone slap that fucker please. Shut up about your stupid fishball-selling-mermaid! Pierre Png, a handsome married man with a splintered liver in real life, is acting cute, everyone! It is ok if girls act all dumb, because guys have huge egos and like wimpy girls. How about a wimpy guy who cannot take care of a family for nuts, yet want to get married?

I wonder if he is going to teach his kids maths.

Oh and by the way I love the Mandarin-speaking Indian boy. He is damn funny can?







Ok, chosen your favourite Mediacorp blockhead? And nothing. Let's just hope MediaCorp stops showing us the dimwits.

I have this nagging feeling, that they are only showing us these people because we can relate to them and it just means that Singaporeans are all ... well... dumbbells.

p/s: Due to the sensitive nature of this blog entry, I will not allow comments (for people will start accusing me of things I didn't say again). However, if you get outraged or something, please do keep in mind that I have all respects for people who are mentally unsound. I have an autistic relative. My issue here is that Channel 8 is using these dimwitted or retarded people as objects for pity and the occasional dramatic issue. Which I think is wrong. Once in a while it might educate us and let us empathise with people like that, but I feel it is becoming excessive. Cheerios

About Commercialisation, Fame and Blogging

Hello my dear readers... I've got something serious to talk about now. Let's hope I don't spell something ridiculously wrong (disincriminating!) and embassass embarrass myself.

Being the disgustingly self-centred person I am, I check out websites which are linked to me, to see what these people are saying.

Everyone now and then I see an article insulting me. (By the way, to people who have this very wrong idea that I receive hatemail all the time, I would like to think that I can safely say more people like me than dislike, for the ratio of fan mail to hate mail is 15:1)

Within the comments of that Xiaxue-bashing article, which will no doubt contain some people who slams everyone on the internet, I will see respective mean comments.

The ones that saddens me the most are those that state: "I used to love Xiaxue, but now I dislike her as she is just this commercialised bitch. "

Wait, how does my earning money through the blog affect YOU? Why do you hate me because of that?

My innate reaction:

Singaporeans are plain selfish, some of them anyway. Whenever we see someone different, someone succeeding, we try to strike them down, and try to force the unique back into the cookie cutter crowd.

A pity, and a really sad thing it is.

It has been five months since I was endorsed by Localbrand. How has my endorsement deal changed me?

No, wait. Unless you have read at least half of my archives, don't even answer. You don't know the blog well enough. I know, because I am the writer, that I write the same way I do since day One. Well, except a little less of the private stuff as it now concerns other people's privacy, but otherwise it is the same old Xiaxue.

Stupid people tell me, "Xiaxue, I think you fame has changed you. You are no longer nice. You are a mean person now."

Bah!!! Excuse me, stupid people, but you are not making sense. I shall make this sentence bold: If I wanted to maintain popularity, all the more I would not write mean stuff, because I want people to like me, read my blog, and therefore let me earn more money.

But no. I maintained that mean streak (although I know it's kinda not good, but it's my blog so I'll write anything I like) and still insulted everything. So shut up about me changing. I'm still the same foul-mouthed bitch, except maybe a little prettier coz I have a better camera. =)

About commercialisation - yes, advertisers have been starting to approach me.

I want to be one of the first few people in the world who are able to answer "I am a Blogger!", when asked what my occupation is.

I believe that blogs are dynamic. The era of blogging have just started, and we are only seeing the tip of the humongous iceberg yet. Blogs are, right now, still an untested platform for marketing, and I believe it has a huge potential to take over some traditional media.

I believe, being a good blogger, I can actually make a career out of this.

It may sound ridiculous to you. You may say I am daydreaming. You may sneer at me, and say, "Xiaxue, you can stop talking cock lah, you will never succeed!"

But at least I am trying. =) I am doing something which is my passion, which is in me. I love expressing myself, I love writing, and I love being able to have my opinions heard. I want to make this passion into something great - something different which nobody has done before, just like how I am Singapore's youngest columnist, or I am the first blogger in the world to get an endorsement deal!

Even if I do fail, at most I go back to a 9-5 job, and I will have no regrets.

Look: Kottke makes his living via donations by his readers, and they really do donate to him. When I jokingly asked readers to get me a new camera, they whine and get really offended over nothing. Singaporeans and selfishness! (ok to be fair some really wanted to donate)

Don't get scared. I will not get readers to pay! Why not get advertisers to pay? Even better, no? All you readers have to do is have a look at the products (or not), if you really like it, buy it. If you don't like it, just scroll down for the next blog entry!

I want to succeed in this. I really do.

I know you blogders have always been behind me, and whenever I look back I feel really fortunate to have you guys.

No, really. I am a very lucky girl, because I am able to get empathy from strangers who don't have to give a shit about whether I die. I remember when you people wished me good luck for my Mensa test, my mediacorp interview, gave me kind words whenever I felt down, or cheered me up with trashy poems to make me laugh.

I urge my readers be with me once more on this. I come from a single-parent family, where money is hard to come by. My mom works really hard, and she has to take care of my younger brother who is only 12. When an advertiser asks me if I can provide an ad space for him, do I say no to the extra income?

That doesn't mean I will be a sell-out. I am not an idiot: I know that people read my blog because I have always been very honest with my readers. Check with people who know me - I've never lied about anything on my blog.

Therefore, I know that editorial integrity is the essense of my blog. Without this precious editorial integrity, I will lose all my readers.

Here is my promise to my blog readers: No matter how commercialised this blog is, its contents will stay true, and honest, and stay the same as before.

I know this is a delicate situation, but I've been procrastinating about writing this since Localbrand endorsed me. I don't want anyone to think I'm a sold-out whore, because I wouldn't be.

As I mentioned before, I will ONLY ENDORSE OR ADVERTISE PRODUCTS WHICH I THINK ARE GOOD.

You wouldn't see me advertising churches, you wouldn't see me endorsing cigarettes (though I think f-ing good money can come from there).

I will also clearly state an advertorial if it is paid. It is only fair to my readers. =) But rest assured that even if it's an advertorial, I will remain blatantly honest. If you find that I lied, you can go flame me on forums.


Good enough?

I am almost alone in doing this. Few have made blogging their career before, and please, stay to accompany me through this journey ok? Hold my hand, I'm scared.


=) 3 cheers to my career, and you being part of it.

Weili is disgusting.

Who? Who is poking me?



Hello everybody! Welcome to our talkshow today! Today, we have with us two special guests! They are Xiaxue and Weili! Let's welcome them!







(Applause from audience)

Hi Xiaxue and Weili... Our topic today is about a solemn affair... Which is the teenager who commited suicide the day before, because his girlfriend dumped him. Any views on teenage suicides? Would you choose that path yourself?








And Weili blots his face now, to prove to us he is not oily!





He picks up the receipt and does the deed...


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-_-



After 5 minutes of wiping:



Are we not shocked, everyone? Could it be the receipt is lying?!




But... but... The oil filled up the whole plate and plates don't lie!





Weili walks away from the girls! Who is he going to attack now?

Ah! An unknown customer of Cafe Cartel!



Oh gross!

Weili... You can stop your nonsense now! We are in the middle of a talkshow. See, you were so boring...






That Shuyin fell asleep and dreamt of Jerry Yan licking her!

And Xiaxue!



Very good, you are awake!

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SOMEBODY WAKE HER UP!!!

Oh dear me, the talkshow is falling on its face!!!! Forget it, let's end it here.

Come over here students. When I say one, two, three, you clap! TOGETHER! LOUD!



Thank you for watching our program!

p/s: In case you are confused, the lady in the first picture is a famous host in Singapore, Quan Yi Feng. Weili and I went on her talkshow. The blog entry is supposed to sound like she wrote it! The content of the real talkshow is of course nothing like what I wrote about! Did you also notice the microphones were drawn on? Weili and I took those photos AFTER everyone has left! Anyway, credits to actors Weili, Shuyin (and photographer, as usual), Wanyi, and Andy (unknown customer)!! I hope you all enjoyed this entry! I certainly did!

More to come tomorrow. Horrible, ugly photos of Shuyin and I!


p/p/s: Paiseh I forgot to say! THE NICE T-SHIRT IS BY LOCALBRAND!!! Of which, of course, I am ambassador of. =)

Discriminating I mean, Incriminating shots (Damn paiseh to have title spelt wrong, thanks for the note!)

That day, at Ivan's birthday chalet, where his friends...




really rubbed toothpaste, deep heat and etc rubbish on his genitals (I was very traumatized at Daryl's lack of taste by touching Ivan's balls), June, her boyfriend Benjamin (Kee, not Loy) and I were playing this game.

It is not so much so of a proper game, we were just supposed to continue, in turn, to come up with something for whatever category we were talking about.

At first we were damn mean; we were talking about C-list celebrities then all the Caroline Chong, Evelyn Tan, Melody Chen all came out.

Benjamin played cheat. He just listed all of Under One Roof's actors... And to think when he said Vernetta Lopez I was so impressed! Then he went on with Koh Chiang Mun, and even the Malay friend of Moses Lim. Pui! I look you no up!

June said I am D-list, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Then we went on celebrities with no boobs... Sammi Cheng, Stephanie Sun, Nicole Ritchie... And then to celebrities with C cup and above... Pamela Anderson, Angelina Jolie, newly endowed Jolin Tsai... a lot of them... And then Benjamin said Lydia Sum! He is damn disgusting!

And then to places where you can put your pi sai (booger). June very disgusting, she said the handlebar of the bus or something, maybe the lift door. Please remind me never to take a bus or lift with her again. *gives June a disgusted look*

The most fun had to be a list of all the old-school things. There are so many!

Hopscotch, five stones, Zero Point
Mama shop ice tubes (for 10c each!)
The colour pencils that we break the lead off to mix with colour to make "love potions"
Seaweed for 10c in school
Pepsi cola one two three
Catching drain fish
Collecting bus tickets to fold into hearts (I had 1,800 of those I gave to some ex)
Catching grasshoppers and breaking off their jumping legs so they can't hop away (my class' boys are damn cruel)
The crayon tube that is formed by many small crayons stacked on each other
Singlets as underwear for girls

and a lot more!

We were playing happily, then Benjamin very gross, he said, "Anyhow urine."

What a naughty boy he was! Did little boys urinate everywhere? I didn't know that! He also said block shopping (stealing people's shoes!), and stealing people's pencil box. So bad right?!

Erm, I remember not too long ago Peiying and I (with some other people but Peiying just has this tendency to hide people's footwear so I cannot remember who else) went to outside this foreign workers' unit at my block.

They had at least 40 pairs of shoes all lined up outside their door.

We took the shoes and formed footprints, leading up four storeys or so. -Shrugs- We thought it was very funny how the people in the house would react! Quite mean hor, come to think of it. But very funny!

So anyway, after I said collecting saga seeds, Benjamin said "Kick the pong pong fruit."

June and I kept laughing and laughing, he is damn funny lah! I mean, the stupid pong pong fruit is there, lying on the grass peacefully, you go and kick it for what?! Hahaha...

So anyway, since we are at the topic of OLD-SCHOOL, I have decided to take out some embarrassing old photos of mine to share with the world.

Yes yes, most of them are very ugly. But you know what? Nobody can laugh AT you when you are laughing at yourself. At most, they laugh WITH you, see?

Let's start... From 1984:



A picture of me disturbing Momo when she is sleeping! Don't you think Momo looks damn cute here? Wahahha... Look at her hair! Damn old-school, it is small curls!

(In case you are wondering why I call my mom Momo, it is because of that darned children's show MaMeMo, so I started calling her Mamemo (she hates it), then slowly it metamorphosized to just Momo, and sometimes Molly. I call my brother Smelly and he calls me Stinky, but now it is just Smell for short.)


1993:



Smelly, before he got irritating and started to not do his homework and play soccer downstairs. DAMN CUTE RIGHT?? SO FAT AIYOH. He'd always do that puckering thing to his mouth last time... Damn, I forgot he was so cute. I want to kiss him now but 1) he is sleeping and 2) don't want lah, got pimples already.

In case some of you are wondering, I AM born without double eyelids. I had the triple lining sort, which makes your eyes look droopy. They (double eyelids) suddenly developed after I graduated from Secondary school, when I put make-up on almost daily.

The double eyelids would miraculously appear whenever I put mascara and crimp my lashes. They would then disappear when I wash off the make-up. I would then use desperate measures, like putting eyelid tape (works), or putting glue (yes real glue), to form that sacred line.

After around 1 year, the line became more or less a staple, but disappears whenever I cry.

Now, it is here to stay! Forever! Yay!

Which explains why my old photos all look so fugly - I had super small eyes. And also because I look horrible in short hair and my pimples were DAMN BAD.

1996:


1996... I was in primary six! Xingnan Primary School, that is. Together with Xiao feng and Peiying, still close friends today.

This day, the something of December 1996 (as you can see), must be one of the proudest days of Momo's life. There she is, happily snapping away, for she and I were invited to this ceremony.
No normal ceremony, mind you. It was prize-giving for the nation's top 5% for PSLE!! We all got some monetary award.

Look at that elite boy beside me! Doesn't he look like he is brilliant? Likely, he is a doctor now or... erm, maybe a successful blogger. (If you know him tell me what he is doing now!)

Too bad I totally forgot to sit for the GEP test. Damn!


1998 (secondary 2):



Slowly but surely, I developed into a chao lian.

I know, that photo is gross. So? Cannot issit? Who doesn't have a past? Mine was of pointed combs and platform shoes.

I remember when I was taking this series of photos (photographer was my maid then), my motive was as such:

I took a studio shot of myself then, paid a good $30 to do it. It was so fugly, that I got quite mad.

They fucking put PURPLE lipstick on me! They asked if I wanted to purchase fake lashes then, and I of course said no, it cost $12 ok! So well, they slapped blue eyeshadow on me, and didn't even put mascara!

Lousy pokes! Orh-bi they are closed down now.

So yup, in the next photo I would imitate the pose I had for that awful studio shot (cannot find the studio shot or I will show you).



Tadah! Chio not?

And guess what was under that marble table?



Very disgusting indeed.

Maybe some of your retired lians are thinking... Not really very lian what... Only one Fendi hairband...

YOU ARE SO WRONG.

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WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT ME?!

SWEET MARY MOTHER OF JESUS! Da lian of da century ok! My belt (Eileen's actually) is Sonia Rykiel ok! (The younger of you will have no idea what Sonia Rykiel is, but then it was a hot lian-must-have then.)

This photo was taken during Talentime '98, in River Valley.

Eileen, Xiuling (who was from Swiss Cottage Secondary School) and I went together.

I recall quarrelling with Mrs Look, our dumpy discipline mistress, because I technically didn't break any rules, and she didn't allow me in.

It was stated that students were not allowed to have: 1) Hot pants (thanks to stupid Fann Wong wearing the lime green ones to Star Awards) 2) Short skirts 3) Spag straps.

My trenchcoat obeyed the rules like the well-behaved piece of garment it is. Lookie insisted that my skirt was short, and I said it is not, and she said I am not allowed entry.

(Looking back I could see why she didn't allow me in)

She couldn't find anything *technically* wrong with Eileen's tight black blouse and black pants, so Eileen was given access.

But Xiuling, who was supposed to be Eileen's sister coz only immediate families were allowed to enter, got exposed as she had to show her IC (with an obviously different surname).

With only one of our trio managing to go in, we decided to skip the whole thing together and go for Bubbletea instead. The camera with Eileen also took the worst photos of the century.

Mark my words:




URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Fat Eileen! With the Fendi hairband she lent me! Think all my lian-products were from her.

I forgot Eileen used to be so plump. Later I will show you her NOW photo.


1999-2000 (Sec 3/4):



When I showed Kenny this photo, his immediate reaction was, "What's up with this photo? Who is this guy?"

GUY? I AM NOT A GUY! Stupid blind Kenny!

I look damn horrible in short hair! This is what happened. I was in River Valley right, where they did not allow females to have long hair. The max we could grow it to was before it reached the collar.

It was in secondary 4 when I decided that since I am not going to EVER have short hair again after I leave RV and its stupid stifling rules, I am going to snip it very courageously short for once.

There the tresses went. I had a crew cut.

And here is the bad result.

Horrible hair and that horrible light blue blouse I always wore because Larry liked blue and I bought it for his viewing pleasures. (My hatred for blue maintained and possibly increased ten-fold because of Larry. I just had a peek into my wardrobe and realised I have like 7 blue tops among hundred of clothes.)

The little girl on my lap is Larry's younger sister. She is quite irritating. I mean, she can be cute lah (but girls being cute to girls just don't appeal), but most of the time she'd cry, plus I was obligated, as girlfriend, to teach her tuition.

I had to pretend I liked her last time. =( IF YOU ARE READING THIS LARRY, I ACTUALLY DON'T! I am still angry with her coz when we broke up I was devastated and I told her to ask Larry to come back to me or something, and I think she refused. Why?! I was nice to her ok! I bought her sweets and stuff! I remember!

Oh btw, Larry is the particular ex-boyfriend of mine, whose current girlfriend threw away my sec 4 diary and thus made me start blogging. Too bad for that hindsight-less bastard. He could have sold that thing for a lot of money now.

All of Xiaxue's innermost secrets for $100! The book that made her start blogging!

When Larry dumped me, I did not understand. I thought I was pretty good-looking, why did he let me go?

NOW I know. It was coz I looked like a boy.

And not any ol' boy, mind you.

Kenny sent me this:



Thank you very much ah, I don't think I look like him. Stupid Kenny even named the photo Wendytao.jpg.

Since some of you don't believe that I was from NCC in secondary school...



Tadah! In case you cannot recognise me, I am the ugly, pimply girl in the middle of the lower row.

How fugly was I man?! My pimples were at their peak performance then. And then I went tanning, and my scars are now all gone. Wonderful, that sun.


2001-2003 (Poly days):



CHECK OUT FAT SHUYIN AND FAT WEILI!!! All my friends were once fat lah! I don't know what he was trying to do in that picture, like trying to come out with some super power. Quite cool ah the effect!



Finally, photographic evidence. You have read about him (and his, erm, wiggly things) in the archives, but Sony Imagestation saved him by cocking up my archive's photos.

Here he is, my ex-boyfriend Jonathan.

I think he very poor thing. There is a cow sitting on his spindly legs!! Oops! The cow is me! Look at that seventies make up! What was I thinking? Damn I was one fatass.

If I saw myself, I'd have slapped myself senseless and hollered: "Pluck those eyebrows girl!"

I can't believe I wore that shimmery glittery pink top to SP. *gasp*

And finally, to all the detractors who say I am fat....


This is the photo of your dreams. So you can mock me all you want, laugh at the fats surrounding my armpits, and even poke my face in your monitor if it makes you happy:



Living proof that chips make you fat.

And now that Eileen has stopped bingeing on her twinkles, she looks splendid.



With a mosaic-ed Xiuling coz I think she wouldn't like this. Of course, Eileen, due to malnutrition, fell down a well and hurt her shin. Just kidding, she was actually abused by her boyfriend. Nah! She scratch mosquito bite? Hiyah I actually don't know why got one scar there lah!

Skinny now ah!? As is Weili and Shuyin hor?

Oh, and me too. =) Definitely not so fat anymore!

Am I pretty?

I don't care, say I am!

Thank you for reading my blog, I love you too. =)

Hate mail! I think the most hilarious thing about hatemails is how people distort what I said, and then get themselves so upset over a certain 'opinion of mine', which is not even my actual opinion but an assumption of their own. So angry over nothing!

And people who send hatemails are really damn funny!! Some are incoherent, and some are from people who are just a bit off psychologically. Normal people don't hate bloggers with a vengence like that.

I remember an ex-boyfriend of mine, whom I think I wrote about before. I really can't remember whether I did... Think I didn't...

So anyway, he is a bit siao. He loves all creatures on Earth, including insects. WHO THE HELL LOVES ANTS? He'd scold me for smacking an ant to death. I don't know how he handles mosquitoes.

By the way I was with him coz he was handsome and I was like, 15?, and the most important thing is to be seen with a handsome boyfriend!

So yeah. Among other siao things that he does, he would bring me to the cemetary at like 2am.


"Siao ah, go cemetary for what?!" I'd ask indignance.

"For a moonlit stroll! It is very beautiful and very quiet there. Unlike..." He'd make an angry face, "Singapore in the day time. Full of selfish and horrible people. I prefer the dead."

I shrugged, asked him if I needed to pay for cab fare, and when he said no, I agreed to hop along.

I remember being extremely terrified while we walked hand in hand along the tombs, all shining silver beneath the moonlight.

[As I write this, I suddenly recollect a story on Fact Or Fiction (and it is fact) where a group of teens where playing Stab the Tomb. This girl was dared to stab a tomb and she did. She then felt someone tugging her and refusing to let go! Pull as she might, she couldn't go away, and eventually died of fright. The next day it was discovered that she accidentally stabbed her own skirt. Eerie ah? I hate freaky coincidences, it is almost like some morbid higher power meant for it to happen.]

It was actually quite romantic, thinking back about it, me feeling very secure in his tight arms as I know if anything happens he will protect me. (To his credit he is not that sort who will run away) Not that he can protect me from ghosts lah, but at that age everything seems romantic.

As we walked along the tombs, he suddenly pointed out to one and announced, "Wendy, meet my god-sister."

I went, "Omg, how old is she?".

When he replied "17", I gasped and said, "Oh dear, why did she pass away so young?" He said he didn't know. HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW?!

After a lot of questioning, he said that the 'god-sis' was found as he has explored the whole cemetary a lot of times, he saw the young age on the tomb, and he self-dubbed her as his god-sister. -_-

I am so traumatized.

I asked him, "How do you know she will agree to be your god-sister leh? You are very buay paiseh one leh!"

He whispered (in the cemetary mind you), "I just know."

I sneered at him and mocked, "Yeah, so you got meet her before?"

And he said, "Yes, twice."

I had a fleeting image of the dead 17 yr old girl hovering behind my head and I immediately wailed and insisted on going home.

Now, I think back and I think he is just bullshitting. I mean come on... How can you believe the words of someone who sincerely thinks he is an alien?

Later on in the relationship I realised what made him a little crazy. Whenever he was naughty, his father would strip him naked and sit him on the common corridor, where the neighbours will all walk pass him!

I mean, how terrible can that be for a mere child?! It is so perverse!

So anyway, my point is... My ex is totally the kind of person what will get very worked up over a website. And he is psychologically unsound.

So now, everytime I receive hatemail, or malicious comments, I tell myself these people possibly got sodomised by an uncle at a young age, so I must find the grace within myself to forgive them. Even if they call me a cunt.

But how can someone be a cunt? A cunt is an empty space! A rather squishy, soft warm space yes, but a space nonetheless!

Just like an asshole... You can be an ass but you can't be an asshole! It is immaterial.


So yup, I've thought of some fool-proof responses to hatemail I cannot be bothered to reply:

1) THANK YOU FOR READING MY BLOG, AND I LOVE YOU TOO. =)

Like this:



It is super annoying right?! I think I am brilliant.


OR:

Xiaxue you are the worst blogger I've ever seen! You are ugly, mean, and worst of all smelly! I hope you get some STD AND DIE, BITCH, DIE!

2) Thank you for your comment. I will remember it and try to be a better person.

OR:



3) Yeah, I totally agree with you!


How cool is that? Oopsy daisy, I realised I wrote something very long ago on how to respond to hatemail. I think the previous methods are a little better, actually. It is more annoying!

Speaking of hatemail... Maybe I am actually quite lucky. People attack my looks, my intellect, my writing, but MOST of these people don't scrutinise my blog, find my weak points, and then attack me when I am at my lowest.

Something about these horrible, horrible people gets to my nerves so much.

What do I mean? This is what Kenny received on his post about Father's Day:

IP Address: 219.93.174.106
Name: jenne

Too fucking bad. Your dad died. Big fucking deal. I bet he committed suicide knowing he spawned a retard of a son.

GOT SUCH PEOPLE OR NOT?!! YOU TELL ME?!!


I AM SO ANGRY! I got so angry that I almost cried can! How, how can people say such utterly irresponsible and mean things online, and get away with it just because they are anonymous?!

Cowardly, disgusting, low behaviour! How ugly is the human race? To attack others when they are weak and low is just below the belt. If you are reading this Jenne, there is something very wrong with you, and you ought to do some reflection. What did Kenny do to you? Nothing. Even if you don't find him funny, or you think his post is not in any way relevant to you, you don't have to say such a horrible thing!

And he is such a kind, good person!

As if he is not already in grief. Oh my GOD I AM SO ANGRY. I want to hurt her back for hurting my friend like that, but I cannot. If I ever get to know who she is.... Anyone here from the internet subcribers? Check out her i.p. and tell us who she is!

Cowards, that's what these detractors are. I have innumerous threats from men saying that if they see me, they will spit on me, or impale me with their incredibly flaccid and short penises.

-snort- I laugh out loud. What a joke!

Fuck me hard? Yeah right! These loser Singaporean males are all WIMPS. Nobody even had the courage to tell me they dislike me in my face before, I'd LOVE to see someone try to spit on me. Go on, do it! Do it in my face if you dare to show yourself, coward. I'd take a photo of you and put it right up here. Faggots!

mrbrown also told me someone once wrote a hatemail to him, jeering at little Faith's condition. She is such a sweet child, and yet people can do such things. I am really appalled beyond words.

And as for me... My worst hatemail was someone going into details about how my father must be very ashamed of me as a daughter, and well, that's why my family is like that.... Bah!

And you wonder why I don't put up highly personal posts anymore. Well, because there are actually such mean-spirited people around.

I despise you all, you cowardly detractors.

We bloggers bare ourselves and we face the world with honesty, unlike you, hiding behind an anonymous nick. If you want to fight, fight like a real man and come out into the open, unlike the sneaky rat you are. Go back to the drain where you belong and may you never surface again.

Next time you burn me, I WILL BURN YOU BACK. Ten times.

Fucking burnt by a fucking cigarette today! It is the fucking 5th or 6th time I got burnt, and I HAD ENOUGH.

I AM NOT THE ONE GETTING THE HIGH FROM THE CIGARETTE SMOKE. WHY SHOULD I SUFFER THE REPERCUSSIONS OF SMOKING??

I hate smokers. (To my friends who smoke: Sorry, but I would like you a lot better if you don't) Normally I can still tolerate the smoke, although I don't like it, because it is killing me softly, and I cannot feel it.

BUT BEING BURNT IS TOO MUCH RIGHT? Why are smokers so selfish? Too bad for them if they die of cancer themselves, because they CHOSE it, but why make other people suffer for your choice too? AND FUCKING HOLD YOUR FUCKING CIGARETTE CAREFULLY OK?!

I know... Smokers will say, you have a choice of going away what... To where? Another smoking area? Everyone is smoking, and nobody is going to stop, because they know that second-hand smoke is even more lethal. Why stop, when if you stop, you get worse consequences? Good! Perfect! Let the non-smokers die lor, coz of your selfishness! Let the world get polluted!

Babies! Let's all smoke in front of babies! If you don't subject children or babies to your smoke, why subject your friends? They too have lungs you know.

Today I got burnt by a friend's friend. It was an accident, and she apologized profusely.

But I cannot forgive her. I just can't find that sort of generosity within myself, try as I might. Why?

It is my skin she hurt! Thank goodness I wasn't burnt long enough for me to get a scar, but I cannot, I JUST CANNOT, accept being BURNT (BURNT OK! Fire! VERY high temperatures!) for something which pleasures someone else!

I mean, if you burn me because I was naughty, fine. If you burn me because I am ugly, fine.

BUT YOU BURN ME FOR FUCK, I'M JUST STANDING THERE! If a stranger just burns you like that, you tell me you wouldn't get angry?

My friend told me, while I was still raving 20 minutes later, that since it is an accident, I should let it go.

Excuse me, but which part of it was an accident? (Clue: None)

I cannot accept that smokers who burn others can get away with it, just because it is supposedly "an accident". And what do they do? They smoke again! And burn more people, and knowingly so! Accident? I DON'T THINK SO.

If someone walks drunkenly into Zouk, holding an operating chainsaw, and accidentally cuts off your limb, is it ok?

TELL ME, IS IT OK?

IT IS NOT!

It is the same what! When I told Peter the analogy, he said, "But you can see the chainsaw, you can hear the chainsaw, then you should MOVE AWAY."

RUBBISH! What if I came first? What if I purposely chose a spot where there are no chainsaw-carrying-people, then this fella comes along? WHY SHOULD I BE THE ONE TO MOVE? He can dance with the chainsaw, but he jolly well make sure he doesn't hurt anyone! That's HIS responsibility, not mine!

If he burns me, why should he get away scot-free? Let me burn him back and see how he likes it, the selfish fucker. Goodness knows how many people he has burnt just because he wants that few moments of "high" the cigarette gives him. Epitome of selfishness, this is.

And what if I cannot hear nor see the chainsaw? How?

Being drunk? Don't even start making that lame, filmsy excuse. It is not my fucking fault you are drunk, why should I get burnt?

You know you cannot hold your cigarette properly if you are tipsy, then don't smoke when tipsy. If you know you cannot control yourself and will definitely smoke when you get high from alcohol, then DON'T EVEN DRINK, or don't bring your cigarettes. Drinking is NO EXCUSE.

It is utterly the smokers' faults, there is no other way to argue this.

I really hate being burnt by cigarettes. Fuckanathan. Read the title again, smokers.

p/s: I am doing away with the comments. Bloody stupid people spamming and writing rubbish accusations at me, which I find... beneath me to reply. Why bother arguing with retards? But yet if I leave them there, it seems like I am admitting to the crimes.

Sorry my mature, thinking readers, which the majority of you are. Trolls, trolls, trolls. What to do? Because of them, I shall do away with the comments link again. Sigh, I do like to read funny, interesting comments about the blog entries, but that privilege is being abused. And by the way, I'm not hurting anyone here, because the person who burnt me, for once!, does not know who I am. =)

Good day! I'm having one! Eileen (Wee)'s meeting me, and I'm going to Ivan's chalet, then Weili's place to thon with Birdy! Yay!