Big kiss to all my friends

I had a great long birthday! On 27th, the day before the big day, Momo brought me out for dinner at Crystal Jade's, and we had loads of xiao long baos.

Then I met up with tomorrow.sg's bloggers to discuss adding editors to our team, and they bought me a cake! So sweet. :D I also got a slab of Meiji chocolate from Angelique! Thanks babe!

The Singapore Govt also loves me, and gave me $800 for turning 22. Teeheehee! Yah I got $800! I live in the armpit of Singapore afterall, in a bloody 3 room flat. I deserve more man, for the sheer inconvenience of staying here. Pui!

Speaking of that I wonder how much our minister's sons will be getting for their progress package? They should get zero!!!! Muahahha

On 28th I woke up to Mike wishing me a happy birthday at his 3am (my 2pm), and stayed at home till evening, where I met Kelvin and the boys.

While we were at cafe cartel in Cine, I walked pass this table, minding my own business and all, and I heard a resounding voice saying, "Wow, her legs are really short!"

Which of course my legs ARE indeed very short, but that's still not very nice, especially on lao niang's birthday!

So anyway, one girl commented, "Can you be any louder?" and the table erupted into childish laughter. Damn, I was cutting bread and should have casually tossed the knife into their faces.

I turned around to have a look at the people who were so rude, and got a shock of my life: They were all freaking ugly!

I felt slightly pissed at first at the comment, but when I saw how they looked like I just felt really affronted, coz I think the worst insult in life is to have an ugly person comment on your looks.

GAH! Judging from the stumpiness they emitted just sitting on Cafe's seats, they all aren't tall either.

Ok fine, I can't really tell their height, but you forgive me for that, coz they were really ugly - like distractingly so. Oh well.

I briefly considered going to the guy and telling him that I felt hurt by his remarks, but I thought, well, being seen talking to ugly people might affect my social standing. Sigh.

After this we went to watch The Wild, which is 90% similar to Madagascar. It gives me the impression that some spy from Disney stole The Wild's idea and sold it to Dreamworks, and the latter, in double-quick time, did up the film and sold it first, leaving Disney pissed and with no choice but to add in a Koala and two cameleons, only to boardcast their original film 1 year later.

Still, it was rather entertaining. The Koala had an English accent and that's always funny. :D Sounds so prissy.

After this we went to Qihua's place to play mahjong where I won $12.

Sleep.

Next day, 29th, met Sandra and gang at West Mall for dinner. I ate damn xiao long baos again, I'm hooked to it.

Speaking of xiao long baos, I hate to eat with virginal xiao long bao eaters, coz I feel obligated to protect them from being burnt when they put the damn dumpling into their mouths wholescale, where of course, the dumpling will burst with a violence and burn them to death.

I remember I brought Mike to Ding Tai Feng and despite warning him that the seemingly innocuous dumpling contains a dangerous amount of boiling hot sauce, he still burnt his tongue. -_-

I told Sandra this and she said that it is necessary for virginal xiao long bao eaters to burn their tongues, so that they will remember the experience forever! Haha!

In this case I shall cease to warn people in future. :D

I asked Momo how to cooked xiao long baos, you know, to make the meat juice stay inside like that, and she said she didn't know coz some people say it is to insert a frozen piece of soup into the dumpling then steam it, or it is also possible they leave a small hole on the top of the dumpling, steam it, put the soup in, then seal it up.

Ah, everyone loves a mystery.

And damn, I love xiao long baos, the yummy things. Don't let me see you or I'll gobble you up. Heeheehee.

After eating we played Mahjong again, and I lost $19.

30th, I met up with Shuyin, Wanyi, ZC and Alvin for Birthday Brunch at Seoul Garden in Bugis - which was plain terrible.

We booked for a table for six people, but it was utter chaos there, and just to settle our reservation for a table of six took around 20 mins: 10 to search for our names, and 10 to set up the table.

The place was extremely noisy, annoying and crowded, due to the outlet (according to Alvin and I'm not sure if this is true) selling their dining services to big tour groups.

CAN YOU IMAGINE EATING LUNCH WITH SOME HUNDRED CHINA TOURISTS ALL SNATCHING THE BUFFET FOOD WITH YOU??

God I couldn't take it.

The lady at the counter (in black) then told us to pay money first before eating, as it was their restaurant's policy.

I told her I don't know yet if our friend (Weili! You cock) was showing up yet, and it would be ridiculous to pay for him only to not have him show up later.

She said it was ok to pay for five people first, then in this case, she will have to give us a table for five people.

I asked her what's the difference between a six-person table and five-person table, and she said that if there are six people, you apparently split into two tables and use two bbq pan thingys - if five, just one table.

I then said obviously we need the six people table (the restaurant was packed and to add a table later on if Weili comes was impossible) and she said she cannot do that.

I said, "Then what if my friend comes later, where does he sit?" and she merely shrugged, her body language clearly saying she doesn't care.

Ridiculous, coz firstly, we did book a six-person table so that table should be ours, and secondly I don't see why we have to pay for an invisible person if he is not sure if he is able to come yet.

I begin to get really pissed off with her attitude, coz she was obviously trying to applease the tour groups by trying to give one of our tables to them. I, on the other hand, cannot care less if the tour groups get so hungry they choose another restaurant - coz we fucking booked our SIX-PERSON table first.

The lady stepped back in and discussed with someone inside.

She then told me repeatedly to understand that their restaurant is very full (not my fault and I don't care) in a very curt voice, and seemed unwilling to give us a six-person table, so I told her off and said I cannot understand why we cannot get our table since we booked for it!

There you go, I hate such people. Now, apparently, she had just spoken to her boss or whoever right, and the person gave the go-ahead for letting us pay 5 and sit 6.

But she, being very witty I'm sure, had to begin to adhere to my perfectly reasonable request by lecturing me of my lack of empathy for their restaurant's crowdedness, and made me think she was being disagreeable to my request.

If only she started by saying "Ok miss, I have checked with the management and they said it is ok", no one would get upset.

But no! Some people think just coz they are older and perhaps a supervisor of a restaurant, they get all the power to lecture their customers.

After I said my comment, she put her palm to my face, and said, "Miss, I am giving you the table now, ok?" in a very loud voice, and continued by saying, "I don't want to argue with you, ok? THERE IS NO NEED TO ARGUE." and she snubbed me!

How rude is THAT??

Wanna give people money still must see their face ah?!

After this we wanted to pay our bill right, and it was a freaking $119 for 5 people!! That's $24 for squeezing with a gazillion tourists, and getting this kinda shit attitude!

And guess what? When we booked the place, we were told it was $15.90+++! Wow, what a steep steep 50% increase, huh??? Triple plus my ass, you might as well just say double that price.

We wanted to pay (Alvin Lam and I had like $110 between us, just not enough), and I took out my nets card, and guess what?

THEY DON'T ACCEPT NETS.

We left the place, and I am presuming I will never return again, and neither should you go there either.

If you are reading this, Seoul Garden's management, you can try telling that lady in black gently that if she does not have the right service attitude, she should try being a bus driver instead - coz that is one job where you can get grumpy at. *roll eyes*

When I was a waitress I was never so rude!

(Not just me! Check out the reviews here.)

What a bad experience. We went to Billy Bombers instead, where, erm, I kinda got into a food fight with some people. But that amazing story is for another day.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna go watch The Return of The Condor Heroes, the 1995 version by Louis Koo before he got too tan. Yippee! The show is super great and I bought all 20 episodes for $35! Cheap cheap!

Come First of May, Eileen will be treating me to fine dining (my god sis is the best!), and I think I will force her to go watch Aquamarine with me! :D Love chick flicks.

And foie gras, omg.

5 days of birthday celebration, shiok! :D

Tata now readers!

Mike's having exams. :(


++++++++++++

Updated: I saw something which really grossed me out after mahjong at Qihua's place!

Kelvin drove pass some private houses near Lentor Ave (where Casuarina Curry is? I dunno for sure which road it is, I'll check with Kel again) and just outside the houses was a green patch of grass, which proudly stood one telephone booth.

The booth is transparent, and Tim said, "WTF!" and we all turned to looked at the booth, and saw a foreign worker man inside (likely bangladeshi).

He was, in broad daylight, dry humping a girl!! His hands were on her hips and he was pulling her close to him, hugging her and rubbing his crotch against hers.

We saw all these very clearly coz we stopped just beside it during a red light.

The man then hugged her tight, and the girl was behaving like very squirmy, so I was very startled and thought she might be being raped.

She then walked out of the booth into our clear view.

A Filipino/Indonesian maid.

That is still not so bad.

BUT.

SHE WAS CARRYING HER BOSS' BABY IN HER ARMS.

WHILE

THE FOREIGN WORKER HUGGED AND KISSED HER.

THE FREAKING BABY WAS IN BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM!!!!!!!!!

Can you imagine that?!

Imagine if that is your child, being hugged by an unknown man with an erected penis??

MY GOODNESS!

I was so so so so so angry with the maid, I seriously considered going to scold her, but the boys were only interested in their breakfast, so I guess it is inadvisable for me to go alone.

WHAT THE FUCK!

Can you imagine if that is your baby and your maid did that??! What else is she capable of?

I am so so so so traumatized. The slut had a pram just right beside her, and she had to fucking hug that scum while carrying the baby.

Well you people living near that estate I am talking about better look after your maids. She was at the phone booth at around 10am in the morning I think. Goodness knows what the foreign worker would do to that baby.

GRRRR! Very traumatized.

=D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

*throws confetti in air*

Fans my ass

I've been fucking irritated by one cb reader recently, and I don't know much about her, but I do know she's a loser.

I mean, while she was a "fan" she was nice to me, so of course you don't tell people in their face that they should get less obsessed about a stranger's blog and start living their own meaningful lives, but since she is no longer feeling positive about my blog, I might as well say this.

STOP IT ALREADY.

I know you are like 15, but that is no excuse for being practically a stalker.

Let's call her Knob Mushroom. (I'm recently very obsessed with Kingdom Of Loathing!! It's really fun, go try playing it. Woot!)

Now Knob "discovered" my blog around 3 months ago or so, and there she is, singing praises about it and how clever, insightful and pretty I am. She claimed to be my biggest fan, would leave an average of like 3 freaking comments per post, yakking meaningless rubbish about how cool and perfect Xiaxue is.

I'm like... is this person a siao ding dong or what? *frowny expression*

Then came one fine day, where my "biggest fan" read the archives, and read something she didn't like.

*cue civil war music*

It was this post, and she particularly did not like the little snippet of me saying I saw a Mosque worker who apparently knew nothing about his own religion. ("Is there free will?" "What is that?" *explains free will* "Oh, there is no free will.")

She wrote me a long email, claiming to be now my "ex-fan".


When I say long, I mean long.

The gist of her mail consisted of her telling me about how she really believes in her religion and that her God is all sacred - which I'm sure is very interesting and all, but I AM NOT INTERESTED.

Who gives a flying fuck about your life story? NOT ME.

The final little conclusion of her mail? Teaching me how to blog:

If you want to become a successful blogger for many years to come, here's a S U G G E S T I O N: learn to give some space in respecting others religious values.

I love how she wrote like she is the grand master of blogging and is bestowing some fruits of wisdom to me.

No really, fuck off.

I replied her:

If you read carefully enough, I am simply saying that the man I talked to was bullshitting about Islam and what he said was not true.

What the hell are you so angry about?!

Look what she replied:

Knob Mushroom Jan 6
well... I apologize for my part. I guess I misunderstood and mis-interpreted... Well, can u blame me? u shud've stated things more clearly.. aiizz... well it's ok. it's ur blog, im the one reading. i just felt upset ok. im quite religious, i don't like people making insensitive comments regarding Islam ok. its nothing to do with my sense of pride, i just don't like it when people write as if they are turning God's word around.. well, if what you say is true, i apologize for my outburst. maybe that was rude of me too. i was very disappointed though when i got angry. because i really liked reading your blog entries... well....

One word:

SIAO

What the fuck does she mean by "if what you say is true"? Can't she fucking open her fucking eyes and read the fucking blog entry herself?

For goodness sake if you are incapable of understanding simple English, don't act like you can, and attempt to correct others.

Man I hate these fucking religious bigots - as long as you are not in their religion and you mention their God, they get all jumpy and think you are trying to insult their faith.

Fuck off from my face, seriously. Not everything is about you, and nobody was trying to say any fucking thing about your religion, unless, of course, you, like the idiot I spoke to, agree that there is no free will in Islamism?

Well anyway I couldn't be bothered about her, and there we go again - she started being the biggest fan once more.

Suddenly, she is back being the biggest EX fan again, after yesterday's entry.

*roll eyes and snorts*

Stop it - do I give a shit whether you like me or not? YES - because you are quite significant due to my grand total of 5 readers which I cannot afford to lose.

All those muthafucking comments on the last entry saying you are disappointed in me - what is it that you are so fucking disappointed about, may I ask?

Do you know me very well? Am I your son whom you have recently found out has gonorrhea?

Disappointed, disappointed. Disappointed you fucking ass la, why don't you go eat shit instead?

(I wanted to insert a picture of someone eating shit here, but the pictures I found in google are seriously disturbing.)

You don't know me, so there is nothing to be disappointed about - and even if you are, don't tell me to me like it would matter, coz it doesn't.

I mean, it does matter in the sense it pisses me off, but not in the sense it hurts me.

Because you fucking self-proclaimed biggest "fans" are all idiots anyway.

Please tell me how I am supposed to continue blogging, when everything I say someone will be unhappy about it?

Today it's about my lack of compassion and Knob mushroom gets all mad, tomorrow it would be about Kingdom of Loathing and some Neopet fan will be all like,

"Wow Xiaxue, I am so disappointed in you. I thought you would know better than to like KoL over Neopets. That game is violent. I was once an avid reader, and now, I won't read your blog any more."

Yeah yeah fuck off and don't come back.

Or or like, "Xiaxue, I find you increasingly sensationalised. I think this angry post, which you cannot possibly be sincere about, is trying to create controversy once again. I am so disappointed in you, I thought you better."

Or, "Xiaxue, you are so predictable. After a controversial post, you will post a follow-up dissing people who comment meanly, and that is a sure way to get new readers."

To this I say, WHATEVER.

You think advertisers really care if I get 10,000 or 20,000 readers? Let me tell you this: They don't. Because xiaxue.blogspot.com has already established its brand name, and I don't need to create controversy for the sake of increasing my readership.

If I were interested in doing that, I would have blogged about Tammy, or Dawn's surgery, or now, Colin and Kero.

But I am not interested their businesses unless it affects me.

I only want to air out my thoughts.

And newbies here who find this post remarkably gutsy and want to claim you are my biggest fan now, why not you go play with your labia instead (that's for you boys too)?

Don't be a fucking turncoat and act like you know me so well and like me loads, then proclaim how appalled you are 3 months later, like I did something totally out of line.

What's there to be so disappointed about that I am not as compassionate as the average human? It's none of your business unlike I delibrately hurt people - which I don't.

And also, stop saying I contradict myself. I already said I have mixed feelings about my thoughts on natural selection.

Fucking fans. Go idolise someone else.

And Knob Mushroom?

FUCK YOU, STUPID BITCH.

Stop acting like you are so sad that I am now a flawed person and I can no longer be your "blog idol". It's damn disgusting can?

p/s: To the superficial people who only wanna see photos, I am editing now. However, Knob Mushroom's face keeps popping up (looks like a mushroom, of course), and I am feeling angsty so I am drawing black lines all over my friends' faces. They look like they are cursed by The Ring.

p/p/s: One more thing: I never thought the previous post was controversial. I thought most people would think that way. Guess I'm wrong, you hypocritical kind people, who did not donate your life savings to African orphans. Nor your kidneys. I wish you did. Both of them. Muahaha

Survival of the Fittest

Some time ago Wong sent me this email:

Dear friends,

This is not junk mail. It's my personal reflections. Last night, I watched a documentary on BBC about the plight of Congolese children who are being accused of witchcraft called Kindoki. I felt really strongly and interested about it and forgive me for sounding preachy, but I would like to share my sentiments with all of you.

The history or what I know of it
Recently, in Congo, there is a sudden surge of Revivalist Churches in Kinshasa, capital of Congo. These revivalist churches preach christianity to the Congolese who originally had African tribal traditions and religions consisting of witchcraft and whatnots. I only caught the later bits of the documentary, but basically church workers started accusing young children of having kindoki (i think some form of devil or something).

The rampant abuse of children
Kids who were accused of kindoki had to receive "deliverance", if not they will not be cured. The result, parents started abandoning their very own kids accused of kindoki on the streets. As to the issue of deliverance, I watched some scenes of how rituals were conducted to give deliverance to kids who were 5-8 years old and believe me, it was very very brutal and scary: They rubbed chilli peppers in the eyes and body of the young child and pour salt water in their eyes. I even saw the so called "healer" who is a full bodied 40ish year old African man STOMPED on the body and the stomach of children aged 3-5, claiming that the evil spirit must be stomped.

The psychology of the abused children
What I found even more disturbing was that children were WILLING to be abused by the church workers in the name of Christ. I remember a scene where a little girl was chanting "i wanna be saved by jesus and the holy spirit" while having chilli peppers rubbed into her stomach violently. The children are led to believe they have stupid nonsense shit like kindoki and then how they are so WILLING to let such abuse to be carried out on them, so that they can be loved and accepted by their family and parents. Can u imagine little kids at the age of 3 or 5, putting themselves out like that so they can be accepted by their parents? They also fast their children for weeks, in order to purge the kindoki. Little kids, could be your niece and nephew, made to starve for weeks.

Then there was the story of this girl who was abandoned on the streets. Thing is mostly, it's the uncle or aunt of the family who accused the child of having kindoki, never the parents themselves. Her uncle accused her of having Kindoki and they put her over a fire and if she screamed, then it was verified that she indeed have kindoki. Most ridiculous thing I ever heard. If u put me over a fire, of course, i will scream. Then they proceeded to unleash child abuse on her and abandon her on the streets.

Thousands of young kids are abandoned on the streets because of accusations of Kindoki and I am not sure what I can do to help. But the least I can do is raise awareness of their plight in Congo. For me, I think such stupidity is unacceptable, and I have no idea how Christianity devolved to such forms. The documentary suggests that shutting down Revivalist Church might put a stop to such a massive scale of child abuse, but the thing is they keep springing up, especially in poor and undeveloped Congo.

Well, it's just some food for thought for me. And I think it's nice to share with my friends and if your interested, would be real nice, if you could read up and we can talk more about how to help the children. But do think about it. And thanks for giving 5 minutes of ur time to read me out.

Regards,
Ee Kean.

My reply was this:

Natural selection at work, Eekean. Dumb parents give birth to kids... Their kids die when abandoned. Stops the dumbness from being passed down.

Imagine the willingly abused kid gets saved by you, and he grows up thinking he must also abuse his kid. How many generations of kids are you willing to save, and how much money must working, normal individuals give in taxes to save the dumb?

Innocent as the kids are, that's the way the world functions. It's sad, but true.

Because we can't all be clever.

I don't blame the religion in the least. It is the people who are stupid enough to believe it, and are even willing to hurt their own children for their stupid beliefs.

HOW FUCKING CB-LY STUPID CAN YOU GET?!

I don't know since when, but I certainly didn't consciously realise how my heart seemed to have hardened so much over recent years.

As a young teen of maybe 13, I would have been quite upset reading this mail, and perhaps attempt to save the poor children for maybe 2 days and give up, giving in to my world of pointy combs, dyed hair, and multiple boyfriends.

Wow, I remember I was so goddamn kindly when I was a kid!

I used to refuse to play the game leapfrog (where u jump over a person's back by pressing your two palms on it) coz I thought it would hurt my friends. Therefore I was constantly the person leaped over - which is, needless to say, rather not fun. I believe it might also add to my stunted growth.

But nowadays I see charity shows and only cringe a little at other people's misfortunes.

Instead of feeling so sorry for them and crying, which I used to, I would think in my heart, if you are kinda old, had an operation for 13 times, and lose two limbs and have nobody taking care of you (meaning nobody gets devastated when you die), why don't you end your life instead of living in misery?

I then get stunned at myself for thinking such a terrible thought, and mentally torment myself by solving cube root maths equations till I break out in sweat and think I have suffered enough.

I think this little change in my occurred one precious lesson in secondary school... I know I have related this story a gazillion times, but anyway, here it is again for those who haven't read it...

My class in 2A, River Valley's second year, had only like 9 boys, and in one particular lesson we were divided into groups, where in the class there was a group of only boys (like 4 of them - Joseph, Junhan, Jing Quan you were in it! I think).

We were all presented with a problem, and had to discuss within our groups how to solve it best. Well anyway, it was a stupid scenario, where a group of 6 or so people were trapped in some island, and there was only food for 4 people.

All the girls presented first, and naturally, being a nerdy school where everyone was kindly and good natured, all the girls suggested sharing the food and blah blah.. DOES NOT WORK! Already told you there is not enough food for all the people YOU COCKS!

In the girls' solution either everyone goes hungry, or the strongest man would have to sacrifice his food for the young or old. (Clever - when the strongest man dies, who goes hunting, the baby?)

When it came to the boys' turn to give their solution, they promptly announced, "We will dump the old woman behind."

The teacher, shocked (nerdy school, nerdy school, remember that, everyone in RV is nice), asked why they would do such a thing!

Joseph then smirked and said, "Because only the strongest survive, cher!" and the boys proceeded to whoop among themselves.

There you go, a perfect, realistic solution - because that's the way nature intended it to be.

That one sentence had such a strong effect on me, that from that moment onwards I never stopped thinking of that every time I see a sympathetic situation.

It is not that I don't feel empathy anymore of course, it is just that I tend to not dwell on human tragedy as much or as long, coz I have learned that that is the way of life.

[Digression! Speaking of situations where some people unknowingly do something to make you change your entire life, my Poly coursemate once, in a crowded train, said loudly to me, "Yan yan, your breath stinks!" in front of all my other friends. Since then, I developed a phobia for having stinky breath (and being told of it in front of everyone in a MRT train), and I thus now ALWAYS have sweets with me everywhere I go. If I am not armed with the sweets, I get very anxious and refuse to talk (much, coz I cannot don't talk, I'll die). Stinky breath eh? I'm the person with the nicest breath now!]

Yes. So back to Survival of the fittest.

[Another digression, wiki says that this phrase is a tautology. This means a statement which is true by its own definition - ie "fitness" is defined by survival so the phrase literally means Survival of the survivors. Interesting huh?! I wonder if the phrase "pointless tautology" is tautology too. You stupid buffoon.]

That day I was talking to Mike about socialism and medicine being socialised (when we are not telling each other how cute we are, we talk about difficult philosophical dilemmas).

My stand was that yes, it should be socialised (ie, available to all at no or low fee to the public, coz it is paid for by tax payers), because I was thinking in my mind, if one day my grandparents get ill (CHOY), god forbid I don't have enough money to cure them and they thus don't get saved.

And also, fuck those rich people if they get saved only coz they have filthy money. They don't deserve to live more than my nice gramps who love me a lot!!!!!!! ROAR!

On the other hand, I think of those dumbass teenage girls who attempt suicide so they can be special or can get attention or think they are vampires, and I feel like bashing socialism in its face and hope these people die coz they are wasting our doctors' time.

Of course, these teenage girls might be very rich so this has nothing to do with socialised medicine, but I am just saying.

So anyway, my somewhat rickety stand on socialised medicine is contradictory to my stand on Natural Selection, and I guess in that sense my stand on the latter is somewhat rickety too, coz only when it involves someone dear to me I turn tables and go all compassionate.

Becoming fucking confused.

Anyway, my point is that I'm an unsympathetic, mean, hard-hearted person now - unless I happen to know the sorry person involved.

Don't tell me to feel sorry for, ie, someone I don't know who killed himself by jumping into the MRT tracks to retrieve a shoe. I'd just say, oh, that's natural selection.

Kelvin, while on the causeway and looking at the thousands of blue collar workers edging their way back to JB on their motorbikes: "I feel sorry for them."

Me, "I don't."

Kelvin, "Cmon, not even in the least bit? Looking at them squeeze like that and breathing in all the smoke?!"

Me, "I don't know them, but I know that only with such people around (the lower caste) can we be living comfortably, coz not everyone can be rich."

(I then followed up by singing joyously with a song titled "Communists are pigs")

Impeding Impending danger

FUCK!

*breaks into hysterics*

Have you heard of those horror stories before, where someone is blessed with a talent for something, and then suddenly it is taken away from him/her?

Truthfully I haven't heard of such stories, but I suppose it does happen on Hollywood movies, you know, to punish the lead to treasure his blessings and whatever, he would learn his lesson and a lightning bolt would hit him and his would be able to act/write/sing again, except now he is all kindly.

I think I am losing the ability to blog!

I mean, I used to be able to just sit here and type rubbish, and the rubbish would turn out to be amazingly funny and interesting. And when I finish, I go like, "wow, that turned out good!" and go to sleep without thinking much about it.

I think I will lose my blogging talent when 28th of April arrives!

Why 28th you ask. COZ LAO NIANG WOULD BE 22 ON THAT DATE!

I will be so old! No offense to you older people, but damn! My life will become more and more disinteresting!

I can't even complain about rubbish anymore and have people say "Oh, that's cute, she's so young." Suddenly, I don't represent the youth opinion of Singaporeans anymore, coz I am a middle aged adult now.

Soon (7 days, you fuckers) I will completely lose the ability to blog, and people would stop coming to my site.

The last curious readers would come here, shake their heads sadly, and mumble, "Oh, this is boring..." and dejectedly open up mrbrown.com instead and listen to his podcasts.

A few people would still ask sometimes, when gossip goes slow, "Where has the interesting Xiaxue gone to?" but seriously, no one really cares.

A newer, younger generation of bloggers will scurry along, eager to have a job where they literally do nothing. Photoshop will go way beyond 7 into CS23.7, where these new bloggers are the masters - they would thus be prettier than I can ever transform myself.

They would mumble a random controversial statement ("I use handicapped toilets!") and the nation would hold its breath, saying in awe, "SUCH GUTS AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE!".

I will then be forced to work a day job, where I will become an admin clerk.

My life will be fattening because I sit at a desk the whole day, and thus I will be forced into a diet of salad and cuppucinos.

I'll take up smoking and my favourite brand of clothes will become gg>5 (fav outlet Raffles place coz it is so near), my favourite shoes Charles and Keith. There I will be, walking everyday to work from Tanjong Pager Mrt, and my colleagues will all be nice and wear cardigans/blazers.

I'll stop going clubbing coz "it is so tiring - and I'm too old", and instead go hang out at Balaclava where, for once, I don't have to hear my colleagues talk coz the bloody band is playing (yay).

I don't want. :(

I'm tired. Shall go sleep and wake up with even less blogging talent.

Yeah yeah dwindle away all you want. You will be missing out I tell you! *averts eyes* Yes indeed you will! I will, I will, be, erm, writing as a failed blogger tomorrow! Oh wait I already am.

:D

Happy birthday to my bff!!!!!!



22? SO OLD. And also quite ugly. Hahaha

Everyone say Happy Birthday!

Boring Monday

It is so boring! I can't believe my sleep time is back to normal again! (slept at 2am, woke up at 11.37am, chao turtle, wake up so early for fuck, all my friends are still sleeping)

I kinda slept early yesterday night coz Mike was away on a wedding and could only be back home (where his internet and computer is) NOW, but due to some plane fuck-up he can only come back by tonight, and thus I am awake and bored.

I've got nothing to do at home!

I wanna play mahjong.

I have finished surfing the tabloids for today, and I have watched all the dvds I wanted to watch, and I am bored.

I know I have already said I am bored like a gazillion times and this is possibly making you bored as well, but that's good.

Anyway, yesterday I wanted Gu huo zai (anyone remembers that show?! Damn old school!) part III again, the classic one where Gigi Lai dies after being raped (cue that song gan xin ti dai ni), and I felt an irresistable urge to date an ah beng again.

[Gu huo zai means "gangsters" in Hong Kong, and the show has Ekin Cheng, Jordan Chan in it, if you remember...]

As far as ah bengs are concerned, I think Mike is as far from ah beng as there can be, and I felt quite sad for a moment thinking about this.

Then it occurred to me that Ekin Cheng's girlfriend got raped (by a short and ugly guy no less) and then killed, so hey, maybe it is not that great to date an ah beng afterall.

And besides, local bengs are useless. It's only the Hong Kong mafia that's cool. They wear couture and date celebrities - all while holding a parang to chop people up. *whistles* The local bengs only squat around discuss their new hair dye colours... Cheh.

Anyway something has been bothering me recently.

People are calling me an spg. FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!

How is it that I can be an SPG when all the guys I have been together with were all Chinese (and one 1/4 Indian too), before Mike?

It puzzles me that when people hear my boyfriend is Caucasian, the first thing they come up with is, Oh, you must like him coz he is white. The second thing they come up with is, depending on how sexual they are, that either Mike has money, or has a long penis.

Why can't it be that I like his smothering good looks, or that I like him adoring me, or that he is smart, or that he smells nice, or his supreme talent in juggling (which he doesn't have) or something?

Stereotypes. But it's ok, coz stereotyping is inevitable.

Especially when there are so many spgs around.

Don't call me an SPG!!!! SPGs date fat, balding, loser Caucasians, and Mike is none of that.

And SPGs have STDs. I don't. I think. Fuck, what's this itch... OH, A MUSHROOM!! (I'm joking)

Kelvin told me sometime before, that he met this friend's friend who is a self-proclaimed SPG. She deems Asian guys as being of a lower calibre, and that she would never date, ie, a local guy, coz yadda yadda, whatever racist reasons.

Now the thing is, she is fucking fat and ugly.

There she is, yapping on about how she would never date a Chinese guy, and there Kelvin is, thinking, yeah, like any decent Chinese guy would wanna date YOU.

Classic case of sour grapes. You know you can't get a decent local guy, and therefore you say you wanna only date angmohs.

SPGs = losers.

Now angmohs - how many times have you seen a fat, balding, Caucasian male walking along the streets of Holland Village holding a young, but ridiculously ugly Filipino/Thai/insert random SEA country girl?

Why, if Caucasians are so superior (according to the spgs anyway), are they dating these disgusting chicks?

Maybe because there are old, fugly, loser Caucasians around who can't get any better white chicks in their own country.

Think about it, a fat, middle-aged American man in America, can possibly pork a chick that's close to his calibre, ie, fat and middle-aged.

Whoa! When he comes to Asia, the spgs all flock to him, because US currency is bigger than the SGD, and he is king. That, and the fact that his sperm breeds Eurasian babies.

He would have a choice of either a young ugly spg speaking with a fake accent, or a middle-aged white chick.

The white chick sounds like a better choice, you say.

That's true, but see, 1stly, the middle-aged white chick possibly is educated and works for her own living, meaning she will not give in to any chauvinistic behaviour the guy has.

The spg, however, is possibly less able of earning her own keep (think Thai hookers), and thus would give in to any shit the guy gives her.

Secondly, angmohs have a warped concept of Asian beauty (with the exception of Mike who has very good taste), and flat noses, small eyes, zero class (sorry, but I am thinking of domestic helpers milling along Liat Towers) and long labias - every single fucking thing can be credited and accepted due to "Oh well, she's Asian, it's normal for her race to look like that."

Fuck, there are Asians who look like this, and there are Asians who look like this:



(reason why I chose Cecilia Cheung is coz she is dating an angmoh guy too, and no one would call her an SPG, coz she is not with zero class)

So no, not all Asian girls look like those sluts you see in porn with their brown labias, pig nose and fake tits. There are those who have class too.

Some of you said I was contradicting myself when I said I was disgusted with the farangs in Thailand dating Thai girls.

Oh? How is that contradictory? I deem myself as an educated, above-average looking girl. I am not a gogo bar dancer who hooked up and married the angmoh who stuffed a few hundred baht down my ass crack.

Therefore, whenever I hear some Caucasian male go like, "I like Asian chicks," my immediate reaction is that he possibly likes the porn-star low-class sort, and this pisses me off coz I am bundled in the same group as these girls just coz I am Asian.

And of course, if you haven't understood it yet, I do think of myself as being superior to these girls.

In any case, it's a perfect match isn't it? The spg can't get any Asian guys who are better, and the old Caucasian male can get a young white girl either.

Asian men should stop getting pissed off that there are spgs around looking down on you. Coz now you know: You won't want disgusting spgs either.

On a different note, Eileen (Tan) and I were talking about penis sizes that day. I told her that it is a natural way of things for races to fuck within their races, because penis and vagina sizes of each race is possibly best fitted for each other.

If the Asian man has a smaller penis (stats here. I'm not trying to be racist), then he should screw the Asian girl, since Asian girls are smaller in stature and would have, well, tighter genitals.

(stop trying to say I am contradicting myself. Just coz I say it "should" be that way doesn't mean I must follow it. I also say we "should" be nice to the ozone layer but I still use my fridge.)

Eileen then frowned and said then isn't it better if White men went for Asian girls, thus resulting in great pleasure for both sexes?

I then frowned at her and said, "Then lidat the Asian guys and the White chicks screw who?"

Eileen laughed and said the White chicks can go for the Black guys...

I laughed and said that would leave the Black girls to have really bad sex with the Asian guys. Ha. *dry laughter*

This entry possibly offends the whole world. Anyway, there are obvious exceptions to the scenarios I managed, so there might just be rare case that when an old balding white guy likes a young, jobless asian chick, they might just have true love - and are not together just coz they both can't get any better.

---

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:(

I have absolutely nothing interesting to write about.

I've failed you all as a full-time blogger.

I'll go kill myself now, and end this misery.

Retro partying

I just have a lot of clubbing photos to post up... Beware: Lots of eye candy. :D

Tattinger Sky Lounge!

Went with Eileen to MoS again - Sky first!



There I saw Shan and Jeffy, with their friends!





And saw Rosalyn too, with her boyfriend Wy Kidd (Me: "So is he Song or Kelly?" Rozz: "SONG LA, THEN WY KIDD KELLY AH?!" Me: "Heehee.")

I love Rozz, she is siao.


Beef FANtastic! *jarring music*



Off to 54!







We heart MoS!

Next up, Butter Factory.



It's a very happy looking place in MS, but I am a disgusting spoilt princess so I refuse to pay for clubbing unless it is a super big event or overseas.

Why should girls pay for clubbing? It is ridiculous. We lure the men in, and the men buy us drinks. That's how it works.

Thus, Russell and I scooted off to play mahjong instead.

I think blogging spoilt me so much. Nowadays I refuse to pay for manicures or hair styling or other things - like clubbing... I just expect them to be free. Wtf. I sound so uppity, I feel like slapping myself as I write this.

(Speaking of which, I got my Pure membership card! Yay! Thanks MoS!)









During mahjong I attempted to take off my contact lens without sufficiently cleaning my fingers... thus resulting... in... yawn... a sore eye again.

The same damn eye gotten at the same place while doing the same thing: Russell's place during a mahjong session.

I can't believe I'm so stupid. That's it, no more fucking around with eyecare.

MoS again, with Kel, Russ, Max, and a few of his friends from KL.




Love this photo


Handsome ah, girls? VJ Max! Single too! Go go go




Max's friends from KL



That's it. Took forever to add those groovy colours and words. *yawn*

Why don't these people get it?

Recently I keep seeing disgusting people.

It is ok to be disgusting, I think, but it is very annoying when disgusting people do not ever admit they are disgusting?

Same as when dumb people act like they are all smart and tries to give you advice.

I mean, sometimes, it is kinda obvious people are laughing at you. Either you laugh with them (ie at yourself too), or you stop being a clown. You really shouldn't pretend that the attention you are getting is glamour, or because you are good-looking or talented, because you are really not.

I tell you, I am sibeh suay.

Yesterday I was playing mahjong at Sandra's place, and at the background on the TV flashed this girl.

The "full-time model", as she self-proclaimed, was acting! Wow, I guess this means she is an actress and thus is like all jazzed up and red carpet and whatever.

Not. She acted as a slutty SPG, and on screen she was touching an gross fat angmoh in what blind people would presume to be a seductive manner.

You know, those TV extras with no acting skills whatsoever, and seeing them act makes you want to weep and kill all the babies so that the human race dies out?

(At this point you people should realise I have a personal vendetta against her - and that is because she is the one who set up the petition to ban me from Orchard Road. HAHAHA! Won't it be funny if it came true?


Me: *walks into Orchard road*

-SUDDENLY A TRIO OF BURLY POLICEMEN WALK OUT AND BLOCKS ME WITH SHIELDS -

Policeman: Are you Xiaxue?! Sorry miss, you are banned from Orchard Road.

Me: Oh? Oh sorry sir, I forgot... *meek voice* I guess I would have to shop at City Hall then.

Policeman: *grunts*)

Back to this girl, everyone of us playing mahjong just started laughing and hysterically pointing out her more obvious flaws, like the fact that the space in between her brow and her eye can fit in another 3 of her eyes - the space is that big and her eyes are that small. Ahem.

Well after seeing her I just starting losing money. Suay.

The thing is, I cannot understand. There you are, acting as a slut with an STD on a TV show... You are not a lead, you are an extra. Which part of that sounds like a glamourous job to you?

But yet these people can call themselves "full-time model"s. Where does that kind of delusion come from?

Speaking in the same rein, I received an email from Steven Lim yesterday, asking me to go down to Mediacorp to support him in that loser of a show he is in.

I can't think of another show that can so effectively put losers in their place, but yet, it doesn't seem to be working, coz these losers have their delusion powered on SO high, they won't get it no matter what.

Imagine, you are on a show specifically for losers - losers who constantly join contests to gain fame, but yet always fail.

Isn't that kinda obvious enough that people just want to laugh at you?

Looking at him on TV the night before was so painful. There he was, with awkward darty eyes and his yellow toga, dancing to some cheap song and relating some sob story.

To add to my cringing, he sent me this:

If possible, pls do some homemade good gesture encouragement paper, like "go go Steven" etc....or do your own " Xiaxue.blogspot supports Steven" to ad your blog....i come in peace

The idea of me appearing appearing on that show for a flash second holding the banner "go go Steven" is so laughable, that I actually choked when I read that email.

WHY DON'T THESE PEOPLE GET IT??

And how are you supposed to break it to them gently that they are being so so so very disgustingly deluded about themselves?

I replied to dear Steven that I cringed when I saw him on tv, and if I see him in real life I would spasm and die, so no thanks.

He replied:

huh?????????????????? dun like that lah...support lah...... I will mention you in my website i m grateful to u one.........make some special appearance la.... if you support me, i will have more confidence............. pls..........i beg u....i m friendly guy one..

His exchange for me going down to support him and holding my homemade good gesture banner is... *drum roll*

An honourary mention on his website.

*pukes and flops around, dead*

If you don't find his absurdness funny enough, here's one more thing Steven Lim suggested to me:

That I change my top banner to a photo of him and I together, and he would pay me $500 for two years.

That would be $0.69 per day. (Thanks to Shuyin who went to calculate)

Thank you very much, I would love to do that for you, Steven.


As if it is not enough that I am tormented by these two people, a 3rd person also came into the picture.

If you guys remember, in the Going Nautical II entry I mentioned lightly in passing that the FHM King card is the ugliest among the colourful array of people featured in the cards.

Most people looking like this:

(the guy, not the girl, stupid)

Would have no problems with someone saying that he is the ugliest among a deck of cards featuring FHM girls, but no....

Someone's a petty little bitch.

Here's the email he sent me:

I can agree that some of the gals on the deck are quite how u say, nnot so appealing, however u do fail to realise the fact tht they ARE at least imortalised on a deck of playing cards.. I'll be dying to see when YOUR face will be on one as well..

Why am i saying this?? coz of a comment u made about the king being the ugliest of the lot. Yeah to each his own n u have the right to say whatever u wan on yr blog but u have to be responsible for your own actions. What u said has created trouble between me n a close fren of mine n u wanna know why?? COZ I'M THE KING! If FHM were so stupid as to hire someone like me to do shoots like tht for them ( FYI i have been posing for FHM for half a year from Jan 2005- June 2005) then i guess it's their loss right?? But if u check back to a past issues i have had 2 fan mail written to the mag n published as letters of the month. So if i am as UGLY as u say i am then i guess loads of these ppl are jus blind n stupid yah??

Lastly, If u think u r so damn great n pretty, how is it tht izzy got the job at FHM instead of u?? i'm dying to see when YOUR face appears on the cover of FHM. Maxim is number 2 in SG girl.. FHM still reigns supreme.

Thank you for your time,

Sincerely, Jeremy the FHM KING!

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....

Fucking funny!

Aren't such people so very amazing?

Firstly, it is ok for him to say that some of the FHM girls are ugly, but I just can't say he is ugly.

And secondly, it is not ok for me to "attack" someone (and my comment wasn't even personal to begin with), but his defence is to attack whatever he deems to be a weak point with me - which is that Izzy (Izzy who?) is writing for FHM instead of me.

(In case idiots are nodding along with his point that SPG "got that job instead of me", I'd have to explain that FHM's editor jumped ship to Maxim, which is why I wrote for Maxim instead of FHM. That, and the current editor is angmoh. Hmmm.)



Don't say I am mean. He started it and he is asking for it. I don't really think I'm pretty, but I just had to say that to shut him up.

Anyway, as I said, some people are so deluded, they will never get an insult. I mean they do "get" it of course, but they think everyone just has something personal against them, so these insults are never ever accurate.

I'm not going to allow any comments for this blog entry, so you all can just save your breath.

Can't be bothered with dumb people.

Fuck you mac evangelists

Hahahaha!

Mac evangelists are so TYPICAL.

Firstly, contrary to popular opinion by idiots (really, intellect is GROSSLY underrated), I do not dislike Apple products.

How am I supposed to dislike Apple products when I have never used one in my life? I mean, of course I have used my friends' ipods sometimes, and they have never exploded in my hands, ignited into flames and subsequently singed my eyebrows, so I doubt there is any reason for me to dislike them.

Haha the image of an ipod exploding in my hands and scorching my brows just made me laugh hahaha imagine that.

Back to the angry topic.

I do not dislike Apple products. I am indifferent to them. They do not affect my life, and even their store is at Wheelock minding it's own business (ha, clever pun Wendy!) so it really doesn't affect me.

WHAT I DISLIKE AT THE IDIOTS WHO GO ON AND GO ABOUT APPLE.

Another accusation I had is that I claimed that everyone who uses Apple is a loser.

Now, if that is true, when you see Momo around, please shove an ipod into her hands and say gently, "Auntie, please use this!"

Momo will be like, "Huh, why?" and after some persuasion she might try it.

With this, you have effectively made me call my mom a loser and that would make me very angry with myself.

Unfortunately you can never do that before I have never said that EVERYONE who uses an ipod is a loser.

I am only talking about the people who buy ipods simply for the sake of appearing cool, to compensate for their deformed genitals and thus, lack of confidence.

If you are not one of these losers (check your genitals to confirm), then stop bristling over nothing coz I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU.

How do we identify an Apple loser then?

Simple.


1) He puts down PCs all the time.

While Microsoft have never done anything truely damaging to him, he feels the absolute need to put something down in order for himself to seem superior.

Typical Apple Losers will tell you that PCs have a lot of viruses and his iMac/iBook is perpetually stable.

When you loosely mention that it is very fun to nudge people on MSN and that macs can't do that, an Apple Loser will sneer and just walk away with his chin up. While rolling his eyes and listening to his godly ipod, of course.

Oh, you wretched thing. It is so sad that an Apple Loser now thinks that you are beneath his higher existence of mere MSN nudging.

[ Big digression: Speaking of MSN, I cannot understand why MSN would provide Apple users with their product. Let them go talk among themselves all the time and see whether they still wanna use Apple computers. I know, I know... Apple people will just transform MSN into Apple-friendly themselves, but still, at least let them do a bit of work, yeah?

Imagine this scenario:

Potential iBook buyer: How much is this iBook?

Salesman: Oh, $2000. And also, you can't use MSN on this.

PiBB: Oh! WHY??? Omg! Is it because MSN belongs to Microsoft?! I think I shall stick to PCs!

Salesman: *Sings* Another one bites the dust! Another one bites the dust! ]

Coming back to the "virus" situation of why Apple products are so way superior to PCs, I would like to give this analogy:

Really ugly girl: "I have no STDS."

It doesn't mean much, really, if you don't get fucked simply coz you are less popular. If Mac evangelism came true one day (bless us all), and Apples ever got as popular as Microsoft did, then come show me you don't get viruses, and I will say yes, surely you are superior.

Asswipes.


2) He constantly puts down Creative/Sim Wong Hoo.

Just like Microsoft has killed his entire family, the Apple Loser (man, I should trademark this), ahem excuse me, the Apple Loser® acts like Mr Sim ate up his iPod and forced him to use a Zeeon.


Sim: USE THIS!

Apple Loser®: NOOOOOOO! NEVER!!!

Sim: Aha! You won't huh? YOU SURE?

Apple Loser®: YES! Never! Even if I get sodomised! *gets secretly excited*

Sim: EH! I will... I will... I will eat up your iPod!

Apple Loser®: Please don't! *puts bunny ears on himself and wears a fishnet stocking*

Sim: Why are you dressed like that?! Anyway! *proceeds to eat up iPod*

Apple Loser®: GAH! NOW I HAVE TO USE A ZEEON!!! I hate you I hate you!

Sim: MUahahahaha

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Ahem. That aside, here are the typical things an Apple Loser® says about Creative:

- Copying ipod

Kudos to them if they can copy your product and sell it for a better price. If you find that so unjustified, go sue.

Or or you know what they can do? They can go copy some soundcards, and sell it for a cheaper price! Woohoo! (Hear the Apple losers® go like, "But Apple is better than that!")

Whatever man, it's just an mp3 player. Chill.

- Inferior quality

Inferior quality for a cheaper price? That qualifies it. Shall we now move on to features?

Specs taken from here and here (I chose players where both are 30 gigs):

Weight:
Apple 136g
Creative 163g
= Apple

LCD
Apple: 2.5-inch (diagonal) color LCD with LED backlight
Creative: 2.5" LCD @ 320 x 240 Color Display 262,144 colours
= Creative?

Audio format
Apple: AAC, MP3, MP3 VBR, Audible, Apple Lossless, WAV, AIFF
Creative: MP3, WMA, WAV
= Creative (What the hell is Apple Lossless? I think I prefer WMA.)

Video format
Apple: mpeg, m4v, mp4 and mov
Creative: DivX™ 4 & 55, XviD5, MPEG-1, MPEG-2, MPEG4-SP, WMV9, Motion-JPEG
= Creative: (DivX movies!)

Radio
Apple: None whatsoever
Creative: 32 preset stations
= Creative:

I think this is enough said. I really don't care if Apple compensates in other ways like being more stable/hardy/has other functions.

My player is sponsored and I really don't need to give a shit about such things. The only reason why I am comparing specs is to prove to you mac evangelists that iPods are not just as perfect as you think it is.


3) He gets very angry when people say that iPods/iBooks are no big deal

Having no other life than to be a slave to a piece of machinery, the Apple Losers® will risk leg and limb to quarrel and sever all friendship with whoever insults his Apple products.

Well that's that.

I find it very ludicrous that people actually think that if Apple were to sponsor me with an iPod, I would be writing bad stuff about Creative.

Well let me tell you this...

I won't, firstly because I have been using Creative before I got my vision:M, and that would make me a big idiot if I suddenly switched to Apple. Secondly, I support local products and I am proud of Creative.

Right from the very start I have always wanted to be endorsed by Creative (I am not), and never Apple. That's because I won't accept products endorsements that aren't ME. That's just so hypocritical. That would mean, if Apple were to give me their best player now, I'll possibly reject them.

Apple is no longer just a brand name. It's a religion now. The funny thing about religions is that you kinda just can't insult it nor even doubt it, or people will get angry and start massacres or burning Danish flags.

If you still don't get my point, here's the Scientology episode that was banned - spot the similarities.

Mike: "Hey baby have you heard about the South Park episode? It is now banned! I think there is a case called "Scientology VS The Internet". They are sueing the internet!!"

I don't like religion. I think it causes way more trouble than it's worth.

Postnote: Haha, check out the mac evangelists yapping away in the comments!

Yeah yeah, I am a product whore (so dumb, if I were a product whore I think I won't be talking like this about Apple Losers coz I won't burn bridges...), Creative paid me to write this entry (WHICH THEY DIDN'T), I am ignorant (I have used a mac in school previously for design... It is a $10,000 iMac which hung all the time, and everyone hated it), and I am being malicious for the seek of getting attention.

Every other reason they can think of... Except one: That it's true they are fucking annoying the shite out of people by preaching about Apple all the time.

Losers.

Stop going on and on about how mac is superior and how you can now use Windows on a Mac.

The bottomline is: I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT.

What I care about is I make my stand clear that Apple preaching is annoying, so stop it already.

Amazing how successful marketing can turn the common lemming into a complete brainwashed idiot.

Going Nautical! (Part II)

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DAY 3!

Early morning, at 8am, we wake up to go to the sunny island of Phuket!

We took the Elephant Riding tour, and first stop, Patong Beach!



I can't express how much I like Thailand as a tourism spot. Penang was not bad too, but there's just something about Thailand that makes you feel like they welcome you to their country, and that Thailand promises you are bound to have a good time there. :)



It was so damn hot there but the beautiful beach more than compensates for that.



See, so pretty!




Ah sunny seas and smooth sand! Nice. First thing we do is to hop on to a coach again.



I get a shot of Weili with the nice blue sky behind him, but he is squinting again! That lao kok kok!


Much better

After this we go see the elephants! So exciting, I love elephants. :D



There were 3 baby elephants just standing around waiting for their elephant show to begin!

We started laughing at the elephants coz they were just standing around and like flapping their thunks left and right pointlessly.


Click to see how pointless they are

So cute yeah?

After this we were treated to watch an elephant show. I'm a total sucker for this type of shows, I tell you.

I brought Mike to the night safari and I told him everytime I finish visiting the zoo I feel like becoming a zookeeper. I don't know, it just seems like fun I guess.

:D


Clever!

I then bought bananas to feed the baby elephants. All this while Shuyin has been standing at the side, totally indifferent and a bit bored. Haha... She doesn't see what's the big deal about animals.

Funny mah, the elephants. They are so pointless.




"Squeak!" I swear this baby squeaked. SO CUTE!


After this we go on to the ride! Was so fun!!! (Shuyin stupid stupid de she thought we will ride the elephants like we ride horses... Uh actually initially I thought that way too then it hit me that elephants are very big indeed)

The elephants are so clever! They all climb up a mounted area and slowly wait for you to get on their backs.



We decided to all sit on one elephant, so we got a big big one to carry us!

It was so fun! I think it really won't be as fun if you sit with only two people, because Shuyin and I both sat on the sides of Weili, and when the elephant tumbles around it really feels like we are falling off.

Especially when the elephant moves down slopes!!! We actually screamed. -_-


Your favourite


HAHAHA!

I thought it was gonna be a short tour, but we sat on the animals for like 20 mins!



I keep forgetting not everywhere is as compact as Singapore. *blush*

If you think your ass is fat, check this out...


Big!

Shuyin is so disgusting!!!

Look what she did!!!



She dropped her slipper! It was so funny I tell you. The rider made the elephant stop and pick it up for Shuyin. The elephant's so cute! It started groping around pointlessly for the slipper, and finally...

It picked up a piece of rubbish for the rider!

Like, "Uh uh, I dunno lah, is it this you want me to pick up?" and shove the rubbish at the rider...

Haha... The rider smacked the elephant and the elephant put down the rubbish and finally got Shuyin's slipper for her with his trunk.

We thanked the elephant profusely.

But Shuyin was not too happy coz her slipper had elephant drool on it. Ha!


Ewwww... chou chou.



Taken by some helpful tourists. :D Looking at this, I can't help but feel quite sorry for the elephant... :( Around 200kg on your back can't feel nice.



That's right it's Somlee's monkey butt! Haha... Funny how there are so many lumps.


Miss World ok mai siao siao!

I think Somlee is very pointless too. She was just sitting here and extending her hand grudgingly for tourists to hold, and in between tourists she would scratch various parts of her body.

Heehee, the one after me kena her armpit.

We visit a Thai temple next!



Such a nice postcard-sy photo! :D




Love these photos


We all took turns to snap a shot in front of the temple.
Alas! We could not go in coz we were in shorts. :(

Weili took a photo of a lotus in the lotus pond outside the temple:



Aren't lotuses so beautiful? For those of you who don't already know, the lotus is the Goddess of Mercy's favourite flower coz it is born in mud and dirt, yet it is so clean and pretty when it blooms.

After this we were all free to roam around Patong beach for a few hours, and I tell you, the shopping there will just exhaust you!

Endless rolls of shops all selling beachwear, sunglasses, imitation bags, and watches, at cheap cheap prices!!



No wonder Shuyin and I were so tired...



I bought a bombshell-looking watch ($8), a fake burberry's travel bag ($20), and a pink Dior swimsuit ($12)!

I was a very happy girl!

Something very lucky and very unlucky then happened simultaneously.

First, I sacrificed shopping time to go look for an internet cafe, so I could go upload all my photos into my thumbdrive, as my memory stick was getting full.

Immediately after I uploaded the pictures, I lost my camera.

*smacks forehead*

That's $520 (inclusive of a 256mb memory stick bought separately) gone! But in any case, at least I have some consolation that my photos have not all disappeared together with the cam!

I really won't know what to do if that happened coz this is a sponsored trip afterall...

So we use Weili's cam from then on! With a heavy heart we went back to our cabin to get ready for the Gala dinner.


Hehehe... The Phuket sun made us all radiant.



Everyone was milling around the Grand Piazza before the offical gala dinner begins. Cameras were snapping, and the Captain was around too, taking photos with various cruisers.


Shuyin and I sipping champagne. Hmmm

We went to watch another complimentary show after this, called Tropicalia, where the entertainers on stage did a variety of shows including dances and dangerous stunts.

I must say we are really quite pampered! Shows, then food and music. Coolness.

To our Gala dinner!


So posh. Shuyin likes people to push in chairs for her.


Haha acting rich.


There's the menu!


And our food!

Yum! After this we go back to cabin...



Only to find it is so messy!



Terrible, and check out is tomorrow.




...

Don't ask.

We go up to the helipad again!! The wind up there is really nice! Then you can sing Shan hu hai while you do the mian xiang hai feng!




Hehehe... I felt so happy up there with my lips flapping in the wind, that I started to do cartwheels on the helipad. Weili took a video of it, but I'm never gonna show it to the public eye coz I can't do cartwheels for shit.

Speaking of cartwheels, it is only me? I have the urge to do cartwheels everytime I am in a big spacious area. Hmm.

We were totally exhausted so Weili and I napped a little, and went to watch the Las Vegas Revue show next!



It's called Fever and the tickets are only sold at $20!!

It's a must-see man! I have never seen a topless show before in my life so was really curious what it's like, and $20 is real cheap compared to Crazy Horse's prices ($100?).

Obviously photography was not allowed while the show was on, so there's not gonna be any photos.

Anyway, it was all rather artsy and the girls were all in elaborate costumes that just exposed the boobs, meaning instead of like a normal bra the bra would just be the underwire UNDER the boobs.

I told Weili I really don't like the underboob accessories coz they make the girls' tits look kinda like udders, but otherwise the show was very entertaining and novel. Well, to me at least - and not you who go to Yangtze every other day.

We sleep.

DAY 4

The last day on board! We use up our $200 dining credit at the Palazzo for fine Italian dining!



It is a small restaurant with really elaborate Renaissance-que decorations. Look, there's a nude girl! Ha!

She kinda fat, like me.



I only want to eat foie gras and lobster thermidor, but as it turns out the lobster costs like $140 (for two persons) so we had to give up the idea. :(

Nonetheless, we had foie gras, which is my favourite food in the world!



3 pieces of foie gras and so so so so so good, my god! I love foie gras. LOVE IT! WOULD KILL INNOCENT CHILDREN FOR IT!! (I am kidding)

I love foie gras. Looking at the picture makes me real sad. :(


Shuyin's rack of lamb! YUM!


My pasta with portobello mushroom! Very delicious!

And the best choice of all, Weili's tenderloin!



The beef was tender, the potato gratin at the side was smooth and creamy, and there is a piece of foie gras that came with it! Perfect!

Dessert


And the Petit fours!


Sigh, what fabulous food... And fabulous service too!



With this we go back to pack, and attend the farewell party at the Galaxy of the Stars... Weili and I went down to the Captain's Bridge where we found this!


35,000 eggs are a hell lot!

Finally, we went down to the Pavillion again, where we waited for checkout.

There was still two hours left, so I took out my pack of FHM playing cards.

Instead of playing Daidee like we were supposed to, we started checking out the girls on the cards, and I invented a new game!

Some of the girls on the cards were really quite morbidly ugly, so we divided the pack into 2 sets of cards.

Shuyin was to be the judge, and Weili and I would take a card from our pile, and go "1, 2, 3 and flip!"

Then we will see whose card is uglier, and the person wins that round, haha!



Freaking funny! We kept meanly laughing at people. I got 3 kings (he's the ugliest of all) and still got into a draw with Weili! Sucks. I should win!

In the end the worst cards to have would be the classic pretty girls like Denise Keller or Ase Wang. They can't win anyone unless they pit against each other!

We finally took out the top ten thump cards to get...


I KNOW JING MOK IS YOUR FAVOURITE! Hahaha... Actually, I think the best trump card to get is Dao. No one can beat her - face, name, or otherwise. Except maybe Diana. LOL

(I know my Maxim shoot is even worse than most of them. That means I am an expert when it comes to ugly men's magazine shoots and so I can judge them. HA)

And that's that! We go home!


Loads of shopping to carry back!


Was such a fun-filled trip!

I think cruises are really worth the money coz it's only around $500 per person, and you get to go to two countries (sometimes) and all food, lodging, and amenities are provided! If you calculate a bit, you will realise that air tickets plus a hotel will already cost more than $500.

And guess what! If you decide to tell Gasi Holidays you want go book a cruise ticket now, you are entitled to a $20 Spinelli's voucher too! Cool yeah?

For bookings and enquiries, please contact Gasi Holidays at 6355 0016 or
email at cruises@gasi.com.sg.