Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Orchard Road.

Feel free to click on the photos to see the percentage of Singaporeans vs our dear foreign workers.

When I blogged about them, I had no idea how serious the condition was, until I approved all 500 comments, of which around 70% contains stories of girls being molested.

When so many people concur, it is no longer a problem we can just neglect.

I HAD to go to Orchard this year because I was invited to the "Get the Funk Out" party, which was at civic plaza.

Stupid me, I thought that I could go to Civic Plaza through Taka and Wisma, but was horrified to find out that the passageway was CLOSED!! (Ignorance is really terrible)

I walked out of Orchard MRT to meet Shuyin and June, and was more horrified than I ever was in my life.

Girls were huddled tightly around guys, the male ratio to female was 10:1.

Only I was alone.

And the men, Singaporean guys included (though much less), were mostly armed with aerosol foam.

IT WAS NOT FUNNY.

If you think it is funny, please try to imagine the foam on your face, sprayed by a stranger you want no dealings with.

I met the girls a little later, and luckily for us, Idris drove us to Meritus, and we had to walk the distance to the 7/11 outside Civic plaza.

Once we got down the car, we immediately got sprayed.

The distance to Civic was PURE HELL. Immediately all my trauma from my past experiences came flooding back, and I was so fucking scared to be surrounded by so many of them!! Luckily for me, SY was in front of me (she is super brave ok! She kicked the workers when they sprayed her or were too close, with her pointy boots!) and Junne was behind me.

*sobs* [Both my friends said my top was too revealing and an easy target, thus they both tried to protect me (instead of themselves), which was so damn sweet. Thanks guys, you are really hao peng you lar!]

I never ever wanna go back again!

Junne got her ass groped (grrr! FUCK YOU, UNDERSTAND, I HOPE YOUR FUCKING TESTICLES DROP OFF), but SY and I escaped unscathed...

The worst comment I read, was this girl who actually had a foreign worker insert a finger into her vagina.

Yes, it actually happened. According to her comment, the finger went "in once, out once".

IMAGINE THAT.

So Junne, having your butt groped is really not that bad afterall.

When we went out from our party (felt really good not to have those fucking foreign workers there), we walked along and kept being sprayed at, until we reached a group of teenaged bengs (around 15-16 years old), and tagged along behind them.

Their leader was spectacular, I tell you.

He was botak and rather stout, and the four or so boys had two girls with them, whom they were protecting with all their might.

Botak leader walked in front with a swagger, and when the *cough* (I am dying to use the B word) foreign workers sprayed at their girls, Botak would run towards the FWs and shout at them.

Blindly, I held on to the back of his tee, seeking some protection, and he never once turned back to look at me coz I think he really was used to unknown girls being behind him already. Plus, he was always too busy shouting.

Wow, I never knew 16 year old boys can be so heroic.

During a particularly heavy spray, Botak walked towards the FWs (foreign workers) with his chest out and chin high, and shouted,

"WHAT, YOU THINK SINGAPORE GIRL VERY NICE TO TOUCH IS IT?!"

and on that note he chased the FWs away.

Man, he was great.

He and his friends were walking behind their two girls, and they basically protected SY, Junne, another girl (SY's relative we met), and me through the distance, though they were too busy protecting their own girl friends to really communicate with us (but we know they know we were there coz SY's relative and I were both tugging their tees for dear life).

One of Botak's heavy-set friend, the strong silent type, actually went behind the group of us girls, and said in Chinese, "Don't worry, I will be behind you all."

SO SWEET RIGHT?

Strangers, you know?

It is at times of such adversity that we see such differences. Both are men, but such different behaviours.

And we didn't even say thank you to these bengs coz we stopped and they moved on so fast.

If you are reading this, and you are the Botak beng who was walking from Civic Plaza to Meritus with a girl tugging your tee, thank you, and your friends, so much for shielding my friends and I.

I expect a ban of these foreign workers from Orchard or City hall is not going to happen, so I am gonna petition for the next best thing: The banning of these aerosol foam sprays.

You may think I am ridiculous, but if you are not a teenaged girl who went to Orchard on NYE and Xmas Eve, you don't know anything, so shut up.

You have no idea how serious the situation is.

Being blinded by foam, and then molested while you are struggling with the foam on your face - how's that for Happy New Year?

What is chewing gum? Chewing gum is nothing compared the harm of these foam sprays.

You think you can protect yourself if you are with a guy? Or if you are armed with say, a nail file or something?

Well, I doubt it. These sprays can be sprayed from a distance. Even if you want to whack the person who sprayed you, you will be too damn far away.

We cannot let this go on every year! Why should we let them spray us like this? Why should we allow them to touch us?

If you are a victim, or the boyfriend/brother/father of a victim, please help me in signing the petition:

CLICK:

BAN AEROSOL FOAM SPRAYS

Copy the link to your own blog: http://new.petitiononline.com/aerosol/petition.html

The end of the world

Oh no oh no... I swear the world is about to end. I don't know man, the tsunami, hurricanes, etc, AND IT IS 31/12/2005 AND IT IS RAINING LIKE I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

Except I did.

IN THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW!

We are all gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeee.

If we all die, I wanna tell you Momo, Daddy and didi, that I love you, and to all my friends, I love you too, and to my readers, you all are the best!

It's armageddon too soon.

*****************************

Update: Alright, it seems Shuyin just told me the rain has stopped at her side and I am too dramamama.

Remember when we were young(er), trees used to fall all the time during rain?

I loved seeing trees fall.

I would never admit it, because on the surface I always pretended to be a kind-hearted girl and feel for the birdies and squirrels who might live there, and to a certain extent I DO FEEL BAD FOR THE TREE, but as far as natural disasters go, trees falling are as bad as it can get in Singapore.

This is the massive influence of the media I guess... We see these cosmic tragedies on TV, and we are curious to see how it looks like in real life. I do want to see a hurricane. Not experience it, mind you, but I wanna see it.

I used to tell my mom (as a young child) that I want a flood, and she would smack me and say lots of people might die from it (no food, etc, you know the things parents say).

I told her it will be fun to wade around what! Then we can all live in stilt houses! :D

So yes, back to falling trees.

I analogize that to the innate love in us to see something grand, strong, and stable finally fall. There's just a wretched beauty in such misfortune. Sad, innit?

Back to trees again, has you wondered how come in the late years, trees do not fall down anymore?

I think these trees, the surviving ones anyway, have all grown from little saplings to strong adult trees, just like how Singapore has grown too! :D

But of course some of you will argue some other logical stuff like better planting, etc. Sheesh!

I just watched half of finding Neverland at Janice's place (Grrr!), and imagination is a beautiful thing we should never allow to be bound by society's normalities. :)

Peter Llewelyn Davies: This is absurd. It's just a dog.

J.M. Barrie: Just a dog?

Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog?

What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just.

Not letting life shortchange you

Today I woke up with a msg from Howard joking about how my last entry was "quite racist".

Actually I have no idea whether Howard was joking, or he might be just trying to protect me, but this is only one of the many comments I've got.

FUCK MAN, YOU PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

Why is it racist?

Firstly, it is not even racism. If anything, it is nationalism. Or whatever it is called to discriminate a country. And I don't even discriminate their country. I discriminate the men of their country who comes to work in Singapore.

Fine, since you people are so sensitive, I'm gonna change the "racist" word I used to "foreign workers". Now, it is not racist anymore, is it? Or is it more prejudiced than saying "I won't want to dance with ah bengs"?

So yes, I don't like our foreign workers, whatever race they are - but you know the kind we all dislike the most. You tell me you will like them IF THEY KEEP MOLESTING YOU?

Now once or twice mind you.

Many many fucking times.

Here's a complete record, written when I was 18.

READ IT AND TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL.

Don't give me fucking stupid excuses like "they are lonely, forgive them." LIKE FUCK I WILL.

Is it my problem, my fault, that they are lonely? Ch**bye, lonely go and touch your mother ok, don't come and touch me. There are so many solutions, like going to Geylang to look for other female foreign workers. No money? Go rob a bank, and see if the law sympathetizes with "I am lonely and need money to fuck".

If you want to touch me, sorry, you have to work on it just like everyone else.

And don't give me stupid excuses like I deserve to be molested coz I wear skimpy clothes. The next time I hear a guy say that, I will grab his balls and pull them off, I swear. Then I'll tell him he deserves it coz he has balls.

Let me give you a piece of startling news: I NEVER ONCE GOT MOLESTED WHEN I WORE SKIMPY CLOTHES.

Always when I am in my school uniform. Oh, so now I deserve it coz school uniforms look kinky? Fuck you.

So yes: I don't like our foreign workers, and like I said, I most certainly won't like to dance with them in a club.

Ask any other Singaporean girl and I bet the answer will be a loud, loud unison.

Racist? I have not even BEGIN to complain about our dear foreign workers.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY ALL DOING IN ORCHARD ROAD ON CHRISTMAS EVE? I wasn't stupid enough to go to Orchard this year, but I've been there enough times to know what goes on there.

This year, it seems, a lot of our poor teenage girls got bullied by these foreign workers.

They apparently purchase those faux snow spray bottles, and when they walk pass a young girl, they spray their faces.

Har de har har, sorry, nobody wants to celebrate Christmas with you spraying their face, so fuck off from our girls, OK?!

According to Shuyin, in retaliation, the young beng boyfriends of the girls buy bottles back to only spray at foreign workers (alright, I have to admit that sounds funny). This in turn makes the foreign workers either get angry, or think we wanna play with them... and they spray the girls even more.

Grrr!

Now not only do the girls get sprayed, they get molested.

I know. To be fair to the foreign workers, not all of them are molesters, and of course, our own Singaporean men molest the girls too. But from personal experience, I can tell you foreign workers are usually the ones molesting our girls.

Why? Because they are not in their own country, and they think they can get away with it.

Which, sadly speaking, they usually do, because most girls just let it pass.

Even if they get caught, so what? Police, and then? Will their wives know, and family shamed? Oh no... No social obligations here for them.

I do not understand why our holidays always have to be tainted by such RIDICULOUS TROUBLES, such as having to handle these molest cases.

WHY? Why can't Singaporeans just have fun in our own Orchard Road (or insert popular spot) without having to be packed among these foreign workers?

I don't mind them being there, because holidays are supposed to be for people to get together, but I CAN'T POSSIBLY TOLERATE MOLESTING, CAN I??

Remember millennium? Man, that was the worst. I think I got molested so many times that day, I can't even count. When I walked with my hands covering my breasts, I get touched in the butt. Wow, how fun!

These years, I don't even go to crowded areas (excluding clubs) anymore because I know for sure the presence of these foreign workers.

Why are they allowed? They don't contribute to our shopping centre's sales... They terrorise our girls, spoiling everyone's fun.

In time to come, people will all smarten up. Because of the presence of these molesters, girls will cease going to Orchard at all. When chicks don't go, our Singaporean guys won't go as well.

All you see in Orchard will be...

Man, that would be so fun. Imagine all the companies putting up parties and special performances... Only foreign workers will participate. Yay!

I say, either make sure these people don't play play, or ban them entirely from Orchard road. They want to have fun, go have fun somewhere else. Sorry, if you can't behave, that's the way it is.

And to the people saying dumb things like I'm gonna get caught by the police.

*Shrieks in laughter*

You people are so funny.

Instead of protecting our own vulnerable females, our police spends time catching someone who berates molesters from ANOTHER COUNTRY?

LOL... I'd love to see how smarter Singaporeans react to a Singaporean being convicted for racism against another country's citizens (although I wasn't racist).

It is like Taiwan government convicting the Taiwanese fellow who said Singapore is like a piece of snot - ludicrous! Making your own citizen suffer another country's citizens will SO push votes for our government. Hurray, this government protects others more than us!

If this case ever goes to court, I'll ask the judge: Would you like to have your daughter club with foreign workers?

There you go. He's racist too.

I swear your Singaporeans are the biggest hypocrites EVER. People say they use handicapped toilets, you get angry - when I swear you use it yourself. People say they don't wanna dance with foreign workers, you also get angry. You like them so much, you go suck their cocks lar. Read my blog for what. Fuck off.

..........................................................

On another note, people always ask me why I stand so strongly for the things I believe in.

I don't know if I have said this before, which I think I did, but I'm gonna repeat it.

I am such a bitch, because I got molested one time too many.

Yes. I didn't use to be like this. I was still loud yes, but in general, I was still a meek person who will keep quiet when I get bullied.

"Hiyah, just let it go," I used to tell myself.

Just like your average, pleasant Jane.

NOW I WILL NOT ANYMORE.

I WILL NOT LET LIFE SHORTCHANGE ME.

I have rights, and I am not afraid to use them. No way will I let any unfairness get away.

Just that day, Shuyin and I were in Zouk's member's, and a waiter spilled a glass of Bailey's on Shuyin.

From the back of her white top, to the ends of her white skirt, she has stained a dark shade of brown.

The waiter looked at us while Shuyin screamed a bit, and proceeded to walk away.

I grabbed him by his shirt and shouted at him, "What, you stained all her apparels (yes, I used apparels), and you are just gonna walk away like that?"

He looked at me and said, "She knocked into me."

I tell you, I was so furious, I could have slapped him on the spot.

Shuyin was just standing there, not moving, and the fuck would she deserve to be spilled on this way. Not only did he not apologize, he accused her of knocking into him!! Wah lau, I was so boiling mad, I tell you!! *clench fists*

While I was telling this waiter Shuyin didn't move at all, he insisted she did, and just walked away.

All my other friends were like, "Forget it lar, the clothes are stained, nothing you can do about it now."

But sorry, I don't forgive and forget such things. Not when I know the waiter is gonna think he can use the same trick on the next person he spills on, and it could very well be me.

So I pulled Shuyin along and spoke to the manager.

He was very nice and apologetic, and said he would like to do something, but he can't possibly clean Shuyin's clothes for her now, though Zouk will pay for dry-cleaning if she intends to do it.

As a form of apology, he also bought us all a round of drinks.

The waiter was also brought to us to say he was sorry.

What good does it do to me to make life so difficult for the waiter?

Nothing, except I will not let anyone get away with bullying my friends (or myself, for that matter). Never mind the round of drinks. If in the first place he apologized and said sorry, nobody would have pursued the matter.

But he had to accuse SY of pushing him when all the poor girl did was to stand there.

Since when is it ever true about "Nothing you can do about it"? Almost never. You can do something about it if you are determined enough.

So yes.

I'm a bitch like that.

You may think I'm petty, I'm self-centered, but I only have one life, and if I don't fight for it, nobody will fight for me.

There you go... This is Xiaxue for you.




Comments must not include any race or I will delete them.

Happy Boxing Day!

Hey people! How's your Christmas?

Mine was super great man, I kept winning money during mahjong. MUAHAHAHA! KELVIN, SHUYIN, RUSSELL, BENNY YOU LOSERS!!

So anyway, SY and I went to MoS with Alan (my designer) for a countdown, and then off to Kelvin's place (had to choose from 3 houses for a final party venue, yet none of the houses had a state-of-the-art fridge. -_-) for another party, in which we played mahjong till 11am!

YES, SOME PEOPLE CONSIDER 12AM LATE FOR SLEEPING, and we slept at 12 noon!

Outrageous.

After that we had to wake up at 3pm, to help Weili with his bbq.

So today, I stayed at home to recuperate!

There are so many photos that I have been lazy to put up, so before I start on editing the Xmas photos (all 120 of them), let's clear these first...

MINISTRY OF SOUND!!

I got an invite last Friday for its opening. :D I know I'm rather late in blogging this, but here goes.

Shuyin told me, Isn't it great, that at this age, we get to witness the opening of a mega club?

Once again, everyone starts fresh. There are no unwritten rules on which podium is reserved for gays, or having to have friends to tell you how the club works.

Everyone's still murking around, and in the future to come, we clubbers will be the ones forming the culture that the future generation has to follow.

That is nice, isn't it?

So yes, Ministry of Sound.

I got mailed an invite, and was feeling rather elated about it, until I saw this other old blogger also hao-lianing about how she does not need to queue.**

*roll eyes*

With some ominous foreboding, I told myself that that can't be good because if she gets invited, then surely that card can't be exclusive.

Sure enough, when I got there, there was a super, mega-long queue formed, and everyone was fanning themselves with my invite.

I was quite horrified.

Eileen was already inside the club since 6pm, because she tagged along with her journalist colleague! Me was trapped outside!

I walked to the front to see what was going on, and even the damn VIP queue was so long can?!!!


When I say long, I mean long.

I seriously don't think the queue for the macdonald Hello Kitty can fight this lor.

I tried to call people to get me in, but nobody was picking up the phone (kena food poisoning/phone left in office/unable to bring me in).

Was staring at this while calling for help

Grumbling in my mind about my friend who sent me the invite and left me in the lurch, hope suddenly arrived in the form of a girl who was handling PR.

"You are Xiaxue right?" she asked. And I was brought in!

MUAHAHAHA it is great to be a blogger! Bless the superficial pleasures of life.

(**Meanwhile, the old blogger had to leave coz the queue was too long, and she, too insignificant. Sorry, I'm usually not so bitchy but this one had it coming)

Eileen told me she was inside Pure so I had a hard time finding the escalator, and then meeting her there...

With her colleague!

Pure's a room with minimalistic white furniture. There are big bean bags for you to laze on (you can even hop onto them if you really want to), or bed-like sofas enveloped with flowy white curtains, complete with a dance-floor (that I almost fell into).

I know this looks like a man holding his member,
but it is actually a hand holding a bottle.

While we sat on the beanbag and raved about our pink razrs, we saw many celebrities, but I was too lazy to get up to take photos. Haha... Sorry!

After that, I had to get up coz I was interviewed by Newpaper for my comments on MoS (reporter assured me he had nothing to do with the bitch that abused me), so I took a photo of pretty Glenda Chong and her friend, whom I know is a host, but I sincerely forgot his name...

Nice tan!

Eileen and I

After this we decided to abandon our great seat and explore the place.

Eileen was a fantastic guide coz she just went through the media briefing and could tell me all about the little properties of each room.

For example, she pointed, the Taittinger Sky Lounge (even the name also so atas sounding!!! I'm gonna call my daughter Taittinger), which is a VIP room, has a one-way mirror which could let you see into the dancefloor of 54!

Wah lau.

Imagine the poor dancers in 54, you think nobody is looking at you and you check for pi sai in the mirror, then actually those in the sky lounge can see everything. WAHAHA. Well, serves you right for being non-atas, I guess.

As she was explaining I came to the conclusion that the greatest thing about MoS is that it has so many different rooms, suited for so many different tastes...

The main dancefloor is like Zouk... (House and whatever)

If the white thing drops, will it poke people to death?

Smoove like Phuture... (RnB, Hip-hop)

DJ was cute!

Except with airplane seats. (WHAT? I like my pants. So?)

And Pure's for chilling, while 54 is retro...

Ok.

I swear I wasn't trying to take a photo of those girls. I was trying to take the "54" behind them, and when I uploaded the photo I was like, "Holy smoke, hot twins? What luck!"

Yup. And that's not counting the various other rooms they have. I think I saw at least 3 VIP rooms.

One was not "bouncered" so we went in to explore!

See? I keep taking photos of random pretty girls! I didn't even see the (Indian?) girl's face when I took that shot, I just wanted a picture of the room. She looks very pretty!

Think MoS has a lot of mei nus. That includes me, haha!

The member's area has a frosted door with a strategic window for you to look into at eye level. Subtle. Just enough to arouse the curiousity of the passerby, and enough for the guests inside to feel honoured to be objects of curiousity.

Speaking of atas-ness, because of the extremity of the club's genres, I think it is also respectively more elitist than any other club.

Smoove, on one hand, describes itself (on the website) as an "inner-city ghetto", while Taittinger, well, is "reserved strictly for society's creme de la creme".

From the queue to the VIP entrance to the exclusive VIP escalator(or lift, I forgot), all in all MoS is possibly more discriminating than Zouk is.

Unless you are being discriminated against of course, I think this is possibly a good thing because clubs HAVE to maintain a certain calibre in their clubbers.

For example, would you like to party with foreign workers?

*shudders* (I heard Orchard road was full of them, molesting and spraying our girls!! Grr! Why are we sharing Orchard road with them?! Another entry)

See, you get my point.

(I'm seriously having Freudian syndrome coz I see something sexual in this picture.)

The place where you can see these optic fibre lights is called the "VIP waiting area" coz there is a special entrance for VIPs to the upper levels, and the rest of us commoners go through Smoove or the Main Arena.

Gah! Is it just me, or do the graphics look very phallic indeed?! Get away from me Freud!

Eileen likes them palluses. :D

DASHING DIVA!

Some of you might have noticed the fluffy pink monstrosity smack near the entrance of Suntec!

Dashing Diva came to Singapore! It is the nail parlour that hollywood celebrities all go to; Tyra Banks, Christina Aguilera, etc etc.

I walked pass it some time ago, and have been dying to go in!

I was sponsored a nail spa there (for Shuyin as well, the lucky bitch), so of course I must blog about it and review for you all right? Muahahaha! I think about it I also feel happy... My total cost for doing my nails was $250, I was told!

So yes, this is sponsored, but it isn't an advertorial. It is sponsored, but not an endorsement, so there is no need to do anything funny.

In fact, I think from now on I won't want to endorse anything anymore, except lovely Localbrand of course, which loves me for who I am. *touched sobs*

Pink gets me high!


Even the logo looks really diva-ish.
I feel like a diva just looking at it.

Shuyin and I, sitting around waiting on a luxurious pink suede sofa! OMG, I so totally want that sofa, I tell you. I want it for my birthday. Remember!

The interior is shamelessly pink and hits every one of us girls like a anvil. I bet even my grandma will melt! I really want the designer to design my room, can?

We were then told to decide the treatment we wanted, and we both decided on doing the "Spoiled Diva".

I sniffed around the nail polishes, and when I reached the fake nails section, I was seriously mesmerised.

THEIR FAKE NAILS ARE SO PRETTY!

It's nothing like what we usually see in shops. "Tailor Fit", the manager explained to me, is an in-house brand imported from New York, and Dashing Diva is the only place which sells them.

A box contains 32 freaking nails, to ensure you find 10 which will fit you best. The rest, you can give to a friend, or throw them away.

I can't finish describing all the designs so you can possibly walk in to have a look yourself.

I chose a white glittery design, just nice for Christmas! :D It had an almost matching toe design too!

The nail parlour had LCD screens all around, showing MTVs, or modelling runway shows. Very diva! :D

Shuyin and I kept spotting nip-slips on the catwalks. Ha!

There is also a bar in the middle of the room, for serving drinks.

The bartender is cute huh? :p He makes nice drinks too!

No wonder my manicurists looks away, my nails are terrible!

All that massaging felt so good, I tell you!

Shuyin's toenails are too long to fit the tailor fit nails, so she just did a pedicure. -_- Too long, can you imagine?

So freaky, her toes are too long ok!

And now, we move on to fingernails! Finally.

Tailor fit is stuck on by a special glue, so the end result are super beautiful nails almost impossible-to-achieve naturally (you tell me how you stick that glitter manually?!), that will last for around 2 weeks or so before you have to soak them off.

With our very nice drinks!

I had baileys with caramel or something, it was good... *thumps chest*

ME DIVA! :D

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


Still a diva. I insist!

Shuyin's nails


Mine!


Our toes


Yay!

Meanwhile, any questions about Dashing Diva, I am not obligated to answer, so please don't bombard me! You can call them. If you want the design I did, just tell them you want the Tailor Fit design Xiaxue had. I think it will look great for special occasions! :)

Here are the menus if you wanna know pricings...



Alright, it's 6am now, and I feel really tired! Pardon me if this entry is boring or not funny, I'm so exhausted.

More soon. :)

Merry Merry Christmas!

Wah, it's raining cats and dogs on Christmas eve! I just woke up, called Shuyin, and she was like, "WAH LAU, DID YOU SEE THE RAIN!?".

Due to my staying in the armpit of Singapore, I haven't, as armpits are usually later in receiving news.

As I was checking out the clear skies, Shuyin exclaimed in a high-pitched voice that she cannot see the block opposite hers.

Now I cannot see behind the reservior line too!!!!!!111



So annoying, the damn rain!

Any other day I would have been happy to continue sleeping, but today is Christmas eve, and I need to go out!!! Or I will be loserish!

Speaking of loserish, yesteryear I was telling you guys about Molly going to a party and Clinton going to church and me having nothing to do right?

Well, I didn't even remember the date to know that today is Christmas eve this year.

Yesterday Kelvin, Russ and SY hopped over to my place, where we played very awkward mahjong in my mom's room coz it's the only place in my house that has air-conditioning... It was awkward coz there wasn't space for the table seats and Kelvin was squashed between a cabinet and the wooden green table, both being rather hard objects.

To add to his misery the air con was blowing at his face.

As if that wasn't enough, he also lost money, to MOI!

MUAHAHAHA!

Everyone lost money to me!!! :D I tell you you don't tell them ok? I wore a red underwear! Won $35 or something.

Back to the loser point, Kelvin suddenly asked last night if I wanted to go to a party at his new place tomorrow. I then realised I didn't actually have concrete plans for countdown. -_-

If I knew the date earlier I would have been in a mighty panic.

Till today I finally understood the meaning of "chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zi" (meaning problems will solve themselves when the time comes, or something like that).

So yes.

I hate the rain! It is so annoying! I wanted to wear boots today but I can't, because the damn rain's gonna spoil them. I can't even wear espadrilles. *grumble grumble*

Yah bimbo, so what? So many girls are taking care of their looks, it is a natural instinct not to fall behind and be left on the shelf, OK?! I can't help it if I am a little more carnal and competitive!

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Are you a rich guy?

That day I asked a rich guy friend of mine: With all the olden talk about matching statuses, is it actually better to date rich or poor girls?

By "rich", I mean girls with perhaps 2 state-of-the-art refrigerators at home. I've come to realise that when it comes to wealth, the best gauge of all will possibly be fridges. If yours is silver and dispenses a choice of crushed or cubed ice, your (insert wealthy kin) possibly draws more than $10,000 a month.

If you have TWO state-of-the-art refrigerators, then you go ahead and double that amount. Ding ding ding! Bonus of another $5k if your fridges BLEND INTO SURROUNDING FURNITURE.

I know you are smiling, because you know I'm correct. Big houses almost always have at least 3 fridges, and the biggest house I've ever been in has a walk-in cold storage room for all their various expensive meats. Damn! Now that's state-of-the-art. A bigass fridge you can walk into!

I'm kidding - I don't know anyone like that, but I'm sure there's someone out there who indeed have spent his childhood "that one time, I almost died coz I hiding in the ice box during hide-and-seek!".

Sigh. Wouldn't it be great to have a state-of-the-art refrigerator?

I know... Those of you with expensive fridges will possibly be all like, "What's so great about having such a nice fridge? It is the food inside that counts what..."

Which is true, mind you. Food is great. But I imagine...

... it must be quite nice to watch a high-resolution video of a snail on my fridge whenever I want to defroze a chicken. While at that, I can also press a button, and the fridge will give me a warm hug.

Awww.

I know fridges don't usually hug people, but that's what makes it state-of-the-art man!

And conversely, by "poor", I mean the average of us who can only afford a normal grey 2-tiered fridge with lotsa cheap magnets on it.

Not necessarily "poor" per se, but she maybe, well, stays in a four-room HDB, average NUS student, etc.

Back to fridges, I would like to tell you more about my own fridge, but you have already seen it in a recent entry.

If it is any consolation, at least my fridge is quite interesting. Years ago when I had a hamster the hamster hid once in the bottom layer of the fridge and we searched everywhere and I don't know why someone removed the layer and found him there. Weird.

"But Wendy," you exclaim. "I have a nice fridge but I am not rich leh!"

SHUT UP. You are one of those rich people who refuse to admit they are rich, citing Bill Gates as a comparison. Har de har har, so funny. Now go tune your ferrari or something - it is not up to you to judge whether you are rich.

Oh my, big digression about fridges.

As I was saying, is it better, if you are a rich guy, to date a rich girl, than to date a poor girl?

OF COURSE my analysis is biased. It is based on STEREOTYPES. The typical spoilt, princessy, rich girl, compared to your average, I-poor-but-I-nice Cinderella.

If you are rich but not spoilt, then I am not talking about you, so don't get offended over nothing.

If you are poor but nasty, then I am also not talking about you either, but since you are nasty you will get offended anyway.


Here we go - DATING 101 FOR THE RICH MAN:

Basically, for dating to go smoothly for men, a simple formula must be fulfilled.

LEAST maintenance TO GET MAXIMUM sex --> OVER THE LONGEST TIME.

Maintenance

Money

Rich Girl: My rich guy friend, now known as MRGF, told me that many of his RGFs have this misconception that rich girls are cheaper to "maintain", since they have their own money to spend.

They have come to realise that it is not true because rich girls will simply finish spending Daddy's money, and spend boyfriend's money next, both of which they got by teh-ing.

They are used to generous monetary rewards to show love, so the more you spend, the more you love her.

BONUS! As a reward, she will buy you gifts too, MRGF said, his diamond earring sparkling.

Poor Girl: Hawker food doesn't get her stomach upset. This fashion's average blouse costs only $20 at max.

Conversely, don't expect her to buy you much, unless she is a highly-paid beer girl or something.

However, as a rich guy you must make the fact that you are rich stand out, because poor girls usually like bad guys, or very nice guys (who have been after them for like 8 years).

To show her you are different thus superior, just choose the most expensive of your family's convertibles, and bring her on a date on your yacht (or your RGF's. Whatever). Bound to be quite impressed already.

WINNER: Depending on how much of a scrooge you are. While a Prada dress may be more expensive than This Fashion's, it is also more of an arm trophy when you bring her out.

Driving

Cars, cars, cars. Whether you like it or not rich guy, cars are usually associated with you. I will never forget what an ex date said. I was patting the hood of his, at the expense of sounding like I am haolianing, a certain wide yellow machine.

I asked him why he chose such a model, totally expecting, guys being guys, to state the speed, turbo, horse power, etc.

Instead he frowned and replied, "Why, it gets the chicks."

I never really heard him, as I was busy humping the car.

Rich Girl: It is, once again, an urban legend that you don't need to drive rich girls around as they have their own cars. In the rich couples I have encountered, the rich guys are ALWAYS picking their rich girlfriends up.

ALWAYS. It doesn't matter that she drives; excuses will pop up. I will be drunk, I will go to Malaysia and I don't dare, school no place to park, my hand pain etc.

The reason is because the rich girls' rich girlfriends have their rich boyfriends pick them up too. If you don't pick her up, or she has to drive herself, it makes her paiseh among her friends.

And don't you dare.

Poor Girl: Of course she will prefer you to drive her around too, because being driven in a swanky car is addictive.

But she is, at heart, a bus person, and so are all her friends (who stay around her coz she is from a neighbourhood school). They don't mind meeting at Bedok interchange to go to town together.

When you do pick her up in your ride, her friends "wow" extra, and thus, she will be extra happy you made the effort.

Bonus! Like Daomingsi in Meteor Garden, occasionally sit on a bus with her to accomodate her lifestyle. It is not that tough, really, and it only costs like $1.60. And surprise! All buses are air conditioned now!

When on a crowded bus, holler at a random person to stand up and let you sit down. They should. Or you slap them with a wad of 50 dollar notes.

Winner: Rich girl. Who cares about buses? Slow rough machines. And plus, if you date rich girl, you can use her family's Aston Martin, and you heard that's really a smooth ride.

Insecurity efforts

Girls get insecure every month or so. You have to constantly remind her you love her, or you won't get sex. You still can, by duct taping her, but I am presuming that will make her even more insecure.

Rich Girl: Several months into your relationship, you realise you have sucked yourself into a ridiculous vortex. When you first dated her and really wanted to lift her skirt, you gave her Tiffany's, and promised her Vertus later.

Now she is over the Tiffany phase, and giving Tiff's means you love her only as much as when you just knew her. It is because we had sex, thats why you don't love me so much anymore? she asks, her Lancome mascara running.

You know only Vertu can save your ass now, but you are strangely unwilling to buy it now that you have seen what is under that skirt.

However!!! You should have never gone into that vortex. From the start, never use gifts as a form of love. Instead, do free things like baking heart shaped cookies or folding stars. Chicks, rich or poor, dig whatever you do to make her feel special.

Poor Girl: Remember when I said poor girls either date very nice guys or really bad guys?

If you intend to do the cookies stunt for insecurity, it won't work if she dated a nice guy before. He has possibly done everything, including waking up at 2am, taking a cab to her place, and killing a cockroach. You can't beat that.

My advice is that it is possibly better to keep poor girl insecure about herself. As it is, she possibly deems herself to be inferior to you, and thus will tend to overcompensate.

She will get tired of this, so do give her a Guess watch or something occasionally.

But exploit her insecurity to get her to do something for you. That's right, that would be sex. Ain't life great?

Winner: Duh. Poor girl.

Compatibility efforts

Rich Girl: Her parents would like to meet your parents for a casual lunch at Singapore Island Country Club. Is that ok? After meeting you, they warn you not to have sex with their daughter.

Poor Girl: Her mom's just happy you ain't that bad, motorcycle-riding guy. Family might occasionally fall into heavy gambling debts from the loansharks though, so you might have to pay. This makes poor girl even more insecure and indebted to you. Yes, sex.

Winner: Poor girl. Someone told me about a friend of his who dated a rich girl, and the family gave the guy a CAR coz he didn't have one to take his girlfriend around. Now that's great, but I am presuming since you are a rich guy you already have a car and that won't happen.

Sex

Rich Girl: The rich girl loses because she usually requires far more maintenance to get lesser sex. You can try keeping her on a barethread of happiness, but 1) her temper sucks and 2) there are constantly guys trying to hit on her because they think dating rich girls rule.

BONUS! Have you had sex on a velvet water bed with fluffy pink pillows and the word "Princess" stuck on with diamantes on the ceiling? I am presuming that would be quite fun.

Poor Girl: We declare our poor girl as the winner. She's easy to date and can possibly cook better.

The food, however, can't be that fresh being in that lousy fridge, so it's time to upgrade a state-of-the-art one for her.

:(

I'm down with a fever.

Hug, anyone?

Sidenote: I was reading my December 2004 archives, and I realised almost exactly one year ago, I blogged about scenery not being edible and that it is just like seeing a postcard. I didn't remember this at all when I wrote yesterday's entry.

Freaky ain't it? Hmmm, also realised how it has been exactly 1 year since I am endorsed by Localbrand.

Too many photos!

UPDATE: I KNOW! Very nice right? Thanks so much to the very super talented ALAN LEONG of SHEARNATION.COM who did my new flash design for me! Now so Christmasy! He is very very clever right? If your company needs a designer, you know who to go to. Alan= sibeh good.

I am so angry ok? Somehow, my sleeping pattern has reverted to normal times and I am feeling quite tired now, which is 1.31am.

I know I promised "tonight", but actually, I finished writing a blog entry at 1pm today afternoon, and yes, once again, before saving, Mozilla hung on me.

I actually have ctrl-c-ed the damn entry, but somehow, I ctrl V ctrl V and NOTHING CAME OUT! *punch keyboard*

So anyway, here's the entry - rewritten. Grrr

A Teban Sunset!

I don't like Teban Gardens. In fact, whenever Kelvin, or whoever with a nice car, sends me home, I feel empathy for the car. The damn car must be thinking, "Shit man, I'm a damn Mercs, and I am parked beside some 3 room flats and a rubbish dump. Oh fuck, these inferior humps are spoiling my suspensions!" and indeed, fail to operate from then on, out of spite.

I've always told people who come to my place (surprisingly a lot of people come here although it is so out of the way and cramped) that Teban Gardens is the armpit of Singapore. Kelvin and the boys laughed and said that if Teban Gardens is the armpit of Singapore, then Geylang is the vagina.

Someone quipped, "Then what is the asshole?"

"Desker lor!" was said, amidst hearty laughter.

However, though people always give me a disgusted look when they enter my humble flat (actually they don't really "give a face" coz that's rude, but I KNOW they are grossed out), they always first look at the windows and exclaim, "Oh my god, what a beautiful view! Come and see!" ... like it is the one redeeming factor of being armpit of Singapore.

They are referring, of course, to disgusting Pandan Reservior just beside my block.

After I hear this I invariably reply, "Yeah, view can eat meh? Fuck the view, this house sucks."

Which is true! I don't understand why people get so emotional over the freaking body of water. To me, it's the same as looking at a damn postcard.

The second question people ask me is, "Why aren't you jogging everyday at the reservior? If I were you I will man, it is so convenient."

Hello.

1) Reservior got Teban Ghost. No, really! Weili told me. The ghost hops from tree to tree (I wanted to end this sentence with "in glee" but refrained from the bad poetic attempt). I suggest, if you look like a tree you better not jog there, or the ghost might hop on you.

2) Reservior got scary army of little flying bugs! When I say army, I mean like a gazillion of these light, brown insects, which are small enough to be breathed in if you are close enough.

YIKES.

When they are not flying into my house to infest my ceiling light, they like to hover around the lampposts dotted at regular sections around the reservior, which coincidentally is the nearest light to their birthplace.

I remember I used to bring dates I like to the reservior to take a supposedly romantic scroll (I actually don't find it romantic).

These flies would be flickering by the thousands around the lampposts, and my date would be like, "What are th...?!" and when this happens I have to pull his face towards me by grasping his chin with my index and thumb, and force kiss him.

Happens up to 15 times a night sometimes. Sigh.

Oh but this photo, taken by Kelvin, is really quite nice, isn't it? But still, don't buy houses beside reserviors. You want those bugs in your house, huh?!

Carls Jr!

I told you size matters!

When to eat at Carl's Jr with Chua and Shuyin... Historic moment ok!

In years to come, I can tell my kids, "Mommy first ate at Carl's Jr at Dec 2005. Yes yes my sweeties, that's a decade ago..." in which my kids will then embrace me in a touching hug. Sob. What a wonderful life I will lead!

Beef fries!


Chua ordered some turkey thing while SY and I shared a portobello mushroom burger. :D


Ewww, like not nice one...


WAH, SHIOK!

My verdict: Tastes way better than BK's mushroom swiss, because of the quality of mushrooms used! I think BK still uses narcissus mushrooms or something, ezech! Onions can be done without though. Hate onions.

Let me tell you a secret...

Haha a mushroom in disguise!! :D


I love yummy food!

KELVIN'S 83rd BIRTHDAY!

So old right? He treated us to dessert at some swanky Bukit Timah place, called something like corduroy and fitch. I dunno lar I dunno lar!

Kel and Kit deciding on food


Super nice apple crumble!


I don't really know what this is... Chocolate puff of some sort?


I ordered foie gras!

It was supposed to come with salad but a girl needs her carbo, right? So I changed it to fries. It is so so so nice!!! One of the best I've eaten.

My god, will you look at that? I think Benny ordered an alfafa sandwich. That's so blah!

Vyasa placing his chocolate cake delicately on his...

Poor Russell! He ran around the whole of Orchard to buy a cake for Kel, with no avail coz all the shops were closed!

In the end, I went downstairs (place had two levels and we were on top) and bought a cake for Kel, and threatened to write bad things about each waiter unless they sing a bdae song for Kelvin.

And they must sound sincere when they sing it.

One of the waitresses also flashed Kelvin as a bonus (since he lived till so old)... AND KELVIN LIKES IT!

See, he so happy about it.


Pianist fingers


Non-pianist fingers

Kelvin: I am not 83 you bitch!

Vyasa: I like Wendy and I shall try to seduce her by holding my finger just tenderly beside my mouth.

I managed to make Kelvin lick the words but no one went to push his head! WAH LAU. Now the moment has passed.

Anyway in case you can't really see, the words go like "Happy 83rd birthday, handsome! We love you!"

Funny right? I like it. :D

Eh...

Me plus bdae boy!


Merry Xmas!

Group photo!




When was the last time YOU could lie on a sea of guys? LOL

Heeren footballers



What do you mean by "silly pose"?!

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Haha I am a professional footballer ok!

Shuyin Shuyin...





Heehee!

Advertorial

Localbrand's new tees are OUT! I know, took so long right! I love this new season's designs.

Usually Turodrique's thoughts are a bit too profound to be understood just by looking at a tee's graphics, so when he explains to me what this icon means, etc, I just pretend to nod my head and understand... :D

But this time, he is smarter! He made videos for the tees' meanings! You should watch them, the very bootilicious Linda Chia is inside TiT! :D

Speaking of hot female bloggers, our club does not welcome anyone old (when I say old I mean like if you menstrated young you could have been my mom kinda old), because when you are old, you have a wrinkly byebye. So go do something about the flaps (SKII? Bioessense? ANYTHING!) and do not even dream of associating yourself with us. You are not worthy. * Flips hair *

*Slaps self* I must stop being so bitchy.

As I was saying, my favourite tee of this season is Wusong! :D

0% Nuo Fu, understand?!

Don't you just love the way he holds the tiger's tail?

I think it is so admirable that T has so much passion in the things he believes in, like Asian pride, patriotism, etc.

I mean there are also certain things I am very passionate about, for example I am very passionate about never being shortchanged in life, and also about creamy mushroom pasta, but I sure as hell won't go make t-shirts to fuel my idealisms.

You know T is serious about supporting local brands when his upcoming Love Local sale is about giving discounts to people who prove they buy local products!

-_-

I can't believe he is indirectly supporting other tee companies too, haha.

So yes, it's great that other people are so passionate, else we will all be wearing Giordano tees proclaiming "ME" out of a sea of stupid smileys, right? :D

More blogging tomorrow. I'm sorry I took so long, I didn't mean for mozilla to hang either!

Post-note: Yes yes, reservior, reservoir, WHO CARES? Scroll, stroll... shut up. As long as you understand me, it is fine. You know what? Yes. These mistakes are delibrate. Because I don't want people to think I am too perfect - makes people feel insecure, you know? So go write your bad poems, and stop correcting people's English.