Holidays!

Dear blogders,

I'd be off for a holiday to Bintan till Tuesday! Updates when I come back. =)

One of the trademark things about Singapore is her swelteringly hot weather, and I constantly whine about it. Having waist-long hair doesn't help, and neither does whining, but it makes me happy that others are irritated together with me.

But I get irritated right back: because Singaporeans are so fond of saying the Chinese saying "If the heart is calm it will naturally be cool(ing)".

Whenever someone says that I get fits and start foaming at the mouth. Stop it already; that sentence doesn't make sense! My prompt reply is always, "Oh yeah? Let's put you into a microwave and see if it is still cool!"

Most people wilt under my malevolent glare and scurry away, with the exception of my friend's ex who replied, "You find me a microwave big enough first!" — which is obviously not the point, so let's not talk about him.

The thing is, if it is hot it is hot. Whether your heart is icy or not, your skin is programmed to feel the temperature (with the exception of those religious people who dance on hot coals or something)! I hate people who pretend to be smart alecks just because they managed to sprout a useless proverb. So? If I meditate I'd stop feeling the heat is it? Nonsense.

There are more. When's the last time you relaxed just because someone told you to? Or calmed down? I get doubly agitated whenever people ask me to relax.

Why do Singaporeans like to ask their counterparts to "Relax lah!" during an argument? It doesn't soothe my soul, it doesn't calm my nerves. It does nothing except to get me indignant about being "not relaxed". I'd box the next person who tells me to relax. No one can say that except my masseuse.

Here's another to your face: Be yourself.

Excuse me, but if I am not myself who else can I be? Even if I choose to be, say, Shrek, I have thus decided to be all green and uncivilised, so that's the new me. I am being myself!

I am also very sick of this one: What time is it?

It must have been years since that blasted Tiger Beer campaign, and occasionally, sneakily, when you are least expecting it, somebody replies "It's Tiger Time!" to the above question while you groan in resignation. Not again. That has ceased being funny around five years ago.

The early bird gets the worm? How about that worm now? Because he woke up early, he got eaten by that bird first!

Come on my fellow Singaporeans. Some proverbs are just useless, so stop using them, thinking by stringing seven words together it makes you a genius. It just makes you really, really sad.

p/s: If you think the style is a different, the piece is meant for *ahem*. Never mind, not supposed to say.

Nice site: Phamous69, gotten from Petes. ;)

As the title suggests, it is strictly for the mature audience only. The site is beautiful! Very nice right, I want my site to be like all diamond-ly also... Any web designer would like to do my site for me? I'd advertise for you, haha...

Anyway, my absolute favourite is "Charity" under images. She moves! Have fun. =)

Fucking stupid people all around

Why are some people so dumb? I wrote about the 'marriage proposal' because I thought Kenny's blog is hilarious and I wanted to introduce my readers to him. Simple as that. And for a laugh.

What he wrote back, I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I do not see the "blog war", nor the offence. Hell, if I can take a photo of myself looking like Yoda, I don't see why I should be angry if Kenny photoshops my photos (well done too!!), and Kenny knows that.

Well, for the bulk of you who have a sense of humour, I hope you liked both our entries. =)

Meanwhile, I've been generating, once again, a frenzy of hate posts with the recent media exposure.

I get annoyed when, once again, I see some obscure blogger bash me, AND READERS SAY, LET'S REJOICE, FINALLY SOMEONE SPEAKS UP AGAINST XIAXUE!

Finally? Finally?

Yes, rejoice my hairy ass. Almost every other day someone writes something bad about me - what's the big fucking deal? These dumbass readers go like, "Wow, you are so brave, you dare to speak up against all 8,000 of her blind admirers!"

Wow, so brimming with courage, I feel like putting you in Griffindor right now! It is so courageous, it made me cry! *hugs a nearby tree*

Let me say something sensible now will you? Let me tell you the reason why everywhere in the internet, opinions are popping up, mostly against me.

BECAUSE ALL XIAXUE-RELATED ARTICLES ARE BOUND TO GET RESPONSES.

Like me or hate me, you cannot ignore me.

There you go, my arrogance! Another reason to dislike me yeah? Go on, siphon all your life's misery into this important task of judging how much you abhor this internet creature when you don't even know her!

For all you know, she might have given up MRT seats to your granny, but heck that. Let's hate her. Wooh, I hate it that some average looking girl is making it big. I want to watch her fall! I am not mean, narrow-minded and spiteful! I am not! Just because every other mean, narrow-minded and spiteful person is doing the same as me!

Back to the reason why bloggers everywhere are abusing me. Because they are cheapo entrepreneurs. They KNOW. A usual bland entry about, say, their pets having rabies? NOBODY CARES. Or perhaps a nice entry about how they turned gay? STILL NOBODY CARES. I know I know! *Ditsy dumb blonde look* How about this? I shall abuse Xiaxue and get people's reactions!

For your information, dingbat: The readers who abuse me on your comments link -YOUR PRECIOUS READERS who are so superior to my supposed "mindless droves", WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

One blindly admires, the other blindly bashes. The same, I tell you. Therefore - you are no better than me. (Though I would never advocate that a writer is judged by his/her readers, unlike these dumb people)

I whore my writing for my readers? Look who's the whore here? At least, I come up with my own interesting materials.

Stop using me to provoke a reaction from your readers - go write your own interesting stuff and now, now my dear... WHY NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST ADMIT THAT YOUR BLOG IS FUCKING BORING? When this Xiaxue-hatred wave goes over, no doubt because another person cottoned on and decided to write something more malicious, you get forgetten yet again, you absymal writer, you.

Seriously la people. Can please give me a break? It doesn't feel good to read people abusing you all day. I am very sick of reading the same old shit over and over again.

That I am fat and think I am thin.

That I am cheating people with my good photoshop skills (how is it cheating when I admitted I do photoshop, siao. Hate stupid people).

That I am dumb yet act smart. That I am NOT PRETTY (no need to argue until like RJC vs NJC varsity debate, nobody saying I pretty, so you win, I ugly, ok?).

That I am not deserving of being Singapore's most popular blogger, and, when they realised they are the ones contributing to my readership everyday, turn the tables and say only stupid, horny or crazy people read my blog.

That my grammar's horrible.

That I am a disgrace because foreigners read my blog and think all Singaporeans are lewd like me (so ludicrous, I have developed a stony silence).



















-That was the stony silence-

That other bloggers are much better but why, so unfair, only Xiaxue get the attention.

That I am so full of myself and so arrogant.

That I am so vulgar, how can be termed as best Asian blog... dah dah dah, dah dah dah.

It is not my fault I have certain, well, over-zealous (stop being so over-zealous) readers, it is not my fault the media decided to interview me more recently, it is most certainly not a wrong to write whatever I want on my site, as long as it doesn't harm anyone (who did nothing to deserve it).

So stop it already. How about a little appreciation for putting Singapore on the world blogosphere? Or maybe a little "thanks for giving us something to read on a lonely night"? Oh no... Let's be really stingent with our compliments, and dish out the criticism, because that's the way Singaporeans are, aren't they?


GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I am in such a bad mood. Why do you horrid people (only the horrid ones) always have to spoil things for me whenever I am feeling happy? I was feeling happy because I managed not to call the guy I like for the past 3 days. I was feeling happy because Eekean bought a lovely pair of shoes for me, from Vietnam. I was feeling happy because I am having good business opportunities, and crap comes up, i.e my mom tells me that from today onwards I have to do my own laundry.

PUI!

Ok la to be fair the laundry part has nothing to do with blogders.

I'm rambling yeah? Indeed. I shall stop rambling, though I thought, well, maybe the rambling would remind some people that I AM FUCKING WRITING FOR MYSELF AND NOT THE FUCKING MASS PUBLIC. Don't like to read then go away lah. *mumble mumble*

Please scold me...

It is time to update the media center - I've got 3 new TV interviews, two new cover pages of dailies and many small small articles but I AM SO FUCKING LAZY and unmotivated. Please nag me, scold me and abuse me to it NOW and stop procrastinating!

LIKE NOW!

Don't want lah. I think I go sleep. Or maybe play some game.

It took me...

21 years to realise that Bras Basah Road has the word bras in it.

Hello, stranger.

$$$$$

I also want to be rich leh. I want to live in a big house with a piano-shaped swimming pool (carpet grass and palm trees!), then I can invite all my friends over to swim, and we can ask the inhouse bartender to make us some lychee martinis, and I can even ask my driver to go to their houses and fetch them here.

I want to have my wealthy gramps tellings me that he'd sponsor my room's decorations, and I'd make my toilet so big my girlfriends can have a jacuzzi together (since shuyin dun like tanning), with a series of Crabtree's bubble baths to choose from and my carpet will be Bailey's-cream coloured, and my room decked in gold and pink, just the way I like it. I'd plaster a larger-than-life sized painting of myself on the high-ceilinged wall. I'd have a loris. That is not endangered enough. I'd have a baby white tiger pawing his way around.

Hell, my room would have two floors (I have a friend's friend who really has such a ludicrous thing and I've seen it - the second floor's floor area is half that of the lower floor, geddit?). The bed would be upstairs and accessible by a spiral staircase and surrounded by roses changed everyday, pink and champagne ones. My own KTV system, a baby grand, and hell, let's have a dance floor too, complete with DJ console.

A walk-in wardrobe where the clothes are sorted alphabetically complete with two fitting rooms for me to get the shopping feel when I am changing.

I want to have my own little pony, and he will be white with a swishy tail and have beautiful soulful brown eyes.

My car - nothing too flashy, just the exact same pink one the Jap model drove in Too Fast Too Furious, complete with pink fumes and lights.

I will "bao" any actor I want, and have him serenade me with a French accent while doing my nails and telling me, I am ze most beautiful girl he has ever seen, and indeed I am, because I have machines helping me lose weight and curl my hair...

OK enough dreaming. MUST MAKE MORE MONEY.

I am a Chinese genius at heart

I had this dream.

I dreamt that there were two Indian mamashop owners who were cannibals. They wanted to eat up my RV friends (who are, since RV is a Chinese school, all Chinese).

Somehow, we ended up in a desert, and they ate somebody up. I was damn scared I was to be next. However, they seemed to be full with one RV student, and were quite friendly to the rest of us after that.

We sat down in a circle (with like 7 or 8 other students) and the two cannibals started to demand that we all say [that's Chinese proverbs, or idioms, I don't know], one by one. Although they wouldn't understand, it would be entertaining to hear.

One by one my RV schoolmates came up with ridiculously difficult proverbs/idioms that I cannot recite for my life. But I knew the idioms were correct because I've heard them before la, but you know, you cannot just recall all at one time like that.

We got through like 6 idioms, and everybody applauded when someone said something difficult. I was amazed at their Chinese standards. It was spectacular the amount of proverbs they can come up with, though I cannot remember them now.

When it got to my turn, I said . They all exclaimed I was wrong, because it is a and not a . (In which, I now checked and realised it is a )

I was very sad, because I thought my proverb was very cheam and impressive. I think, if I am not failing my primary school (higher chinese) teacher, that the stork got into a fight with a clam or something, while they fought the fisherman go catch them and he tan dio from the fight. It is used to ask people not to fight or others will benefit from it.

I woke up.

When I woke up, I realised there was no need to be so impressed with all my schoolmates, BECAUSE ALL THE PROVERBS WERE IN MY HEAD! Amazing right? I cannot say them if my life depended on it, and yet in the dream?

Wah! I am actually a Chinese expert if I can get all the stuff into my conscious self! Next time, I must try to do differentiation in my dreams! Maybe, maybe, I can even calculate the trajectory paths of warheads! I am a sub-conscious genius, and Mensa concurs!

Speaking of stupidity, my friend, let's call him Lindt (fuck their chocolate is nice, I'm eating now), had a friend of his exclaim to him on day: "I can't believe you are that stupid Xiaxue's friend!"

Apparently that friend saw Lindt's photo on my blog and felt Lindt was lowering himself to be associated with a empty vessel like myself. Lindt says that his friend is not that smart either.

I AM VERY ANGRY! Who are these fucking people who are judging my intellect? Fucking DUMBASS BITCH is not even smart herself! USE MY MENSA CERT TO SLAP HER BLOODY FACE. If she is a genius, I concede defeat. I am stupid compared to her. But I am not!

Where do people conclude that I am dumb? Where? By just reading the blog? Jokes, people, jokes. I think it is funny to pretend to be a complete bimbo... sometimes anyway. Just because I write in a casual manner here doesn't mean I am incapable of writing serious stuff.

Or is it because I am vain and I place too much emphasis on my looks?

Yes I know, throughout history the geniuses rarely looked good and Einstein never bothered with his hair, but don't people realise that Vanity and intellect are not mutually exclusive? They are not! Just because I am vain doesn't mean I am dumb.

Oh well. Now the gstring tanline and blonde hair would make things worse. Forget it, I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Who cares about jealous losers. Lindt is my friend and as long as HE doesnt think I am dumb, the world is good.

A bobble. Felling trees. Oh, nothing, just cute words I suddenly thought of.

Wherefore art thou cute?

Hui Fen told me the other day about her ex and how they got to know each other.

Apparently, he put a cigarette packet on each shoulder, marched up to her, and said, "I heard you like broad shoulders!"

That is just spectacularly cute!! I think it can make almost every girl laugh, and the pick-up line is almost guaranteed to work if the guy is not ugly. (Men thinking of using this, I'd just like to warn you that a lot of girls read my blog and if you copy, you are a loser.)

This got me thinking ... There are some things, that when a guy does, are almost guaranteed to make a girl go, "So cute!" Or "So sweet!" whatever, and drop down on their knees, immediately becoming slaves to the men.

I have one more example from Hui Fen, where her guy friend says "What's up, (a kind of food)" in a groggy (read: sexy) voice to her whenever she gives him a morning call, but she says this is private and would like to keep it that way.

So yes, very cute.

Like when Adrian gives his lost puppy look, which is in the previous post's pictures, little doves drop down from the sky, dolphins leap in joy, the blind see again, and girls coming from as far as North Dakota run here, telling him that they would cut their clits off for him, if that makes him happy.

He knows, and he utilises this power well. To extort massages, for example.

I ALSO WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are the things can girls can do to act cute? I MUST MASTER THE SKILLS! Then I can manipulate men like putty! Wahahhaa! SCRUB MY BACK! LICK MY TOES, NO, BETWEEN THEM! Muahahahha!!

I KNOW!

Step one: Acquire doe-eyed look.



For some reason, all the "cute" girls have eyebrows that are shaped like the Chinese eight. That is, if they joined together they will form an 'up' arrow. The furrowed, oh-I-am-mellow, look is DAMN GOOD OK!

It makes the girl look very sad, so when she laughs, it will be double cute!

AN ACT!

From now on, I shall pluck my ample unibrow to have that perpetually surprised expression.



WAH! Fucking ugly! But hor, achieve the effect right? Coz got that damn sad look. I downturned my lips and eyes and brows and also added industrial sized eyebags. Weak girls must ALWAYS have eyebags because they cannot sleep well; they all have insommia thinking of the monsters under the bed and molesters under the block. Therefore, men should ALWAYS send them home and cook them nice food.

Fucking crafty girls. Sick of men not sending me home. *mumble mumble*

2) Sa(3) jiao(1) (I have no fucking idea how to say sa jiao in English. I think its something only the scheming Chinese do.)

The "cute" girls always teh teh a bit, then can get exactly what they want. When I do that, guys say I disgusting. WHY LIKE THAT! Is it my arched brows?

I must, must, master the art of sa jiao-ing! Mmmm... *holds and shakes guy's sleeve* dear dear, buy me that bag please? *Doe-eyed look*

3) Laugh at everything the guys say. Feeds their egos = cute. Also, remember to still have doe-eyed look while laughing.

Superb! From now I shall act cute! I know, right? I also hate act cute girls. BUT! I had enough! I had enough of being the girl that guys don't send home! Why some girls guys will drive them home to boon lay, but some girls (I.e MOI!) guy don't drive them, saying, JURONG SO FAR!!

NOT FAIR! Why do men only help certain girls carry bags! I also want them to help me carry! Not that I find my bags remotely heavy lah, but it is a nice gesture what! See see? I am very weak one, I got, erm, low blood count and my lipstick is too heavy for me!

Back to how girls will all hate me when I successfully master how to act cute and make all the guys love me. Hey babes... I know it is unscrupulous and under-hand, but don't blame me! Blame the other girls who started it!

How to compete with them and win? Have to act cute also lor. Why don't we all try it? It's a fair world.

MEN! Tell me what to do to act cute leh! I want to meet a bunch of guys, leave (early coz filial girls are cute) and have 3 out of 5 of the guys liking me, and them saying, "Woah, she is so cute. Did you see when she laughed she had dimples*?"

Gimme examples of cute-ness you have witnessed from girls. I wanna learn! Quick quick!

*Of course I don't have dimples, but I am thinking surgery.

shTruckload of Photos!

Just pics, lots and lots of my pics, to celebrate my new-found camera!!

The LAST...

Of my fair-skinned and long-eyelashed photos...






My lashes are REAL! Stop accusing me.


Nice right my Ikea lights?
Look like thoughts coming out of my head!





I love my M.A.C lipstick and Prescriptives lipgloss!



Spot of acrylic paint on skirt. Tsk.

Nice? Hui Fen helped me buy from US! Only $105, and we are selling in SG at $180! Very bling bling!
I LOVE IT!

Suddenly, I decided I am very sick of how I look and decided to go for drastic changes! First, a hair dye.



Yikes, the black! Still, a good hair day. =)
Kimage - $26 by students.



Tadah!

Still look very boring ...

I SHALL GO TAN!!! And highlight my hair blonde! Unfortunately, I also went to perm my eyelashes, and it got depressingly frayed at the ends, so I cut them off. =(




Yay!!! I look different!


Blogder Ginger bought me a birthday present to be collected from the M.A.C counter!
Shuyin holds it for me.


Bronzer! So nice of herrrrrrrrrrrr!!


And this is how much tanner I have gotten.
In case you are thinking why there is a line above the gstring tanline, I was tanning with a rather high-waist normal bikini bottom at first.

*sobs* Such a gorgeous tan, and it belongs to me!!! And it is almost free!


Just in time ...





For my CNA interview with Melvin Yong on 360 Degrees! It was live, and I didn't know, so I didn't ask you guys to watch ...

Adrian says he would like to clarify that the following photos are edited by me, and he is not approving (but I forced him anyway)to have them up here and he is not a model (per se).

After twirling his hair I forced him to take a photo of a smoldering spoof shot of how vapid male models always look.

Too funny to let go.




NO MORE CELERY!

Went out with Kelvin, Colin, Adrian and Hui Fen...


Wah lau, Shuyin's book... And I look weird here, somehow.

The fellow who put the book there:


Pretend only.

KM8's sentosa party! With Eileen Wee and Tan, and Adrian and some others...


I swear I will never be willingly fair again. The guy like trying very hard to buy Ginny a drink. Haha!


Ginny and Eileen (Tan)


In the middle of the VIP tentage, they set up a small pool.

The gorgeous Angmohs inside are almost too good to be true!

BUT... The water is damn murky.
Sex? You bet.
If you get impregnated inside, you wouldn't even know who it belongs to.


Pity the picture turned out blur. After sharpening it looks grainy.
My two favourite Eileens!

For Shuyin's birthday we (that is Weili, Wanyi and I) bought her this:



Just as I was walking out of Guess in Taka, I saw ... and decided ...

To bluff her!


We bought her a disgusting default Perlini's pendant with a little heart or something as disgusting...

And also!



Cheap $1.90 stars from Popular!



I tell you, when she open the gross present she confirm will cry! It is too gross to be true! But in the end I think she managed to guess that we are bluffing her. Pui. Don't know how to act is it.

This is what she saw when she turned to the back of the card ...



Haha! We are actually very nice to her!

I bought a shitload of retro-coloured papers (she likes all the bright colours) to make her card, and printed out her name in a nice, computer font.


Wah lan, the S very difficult to write. And no, I didn't trace that (such thick paper, trace my ass), and it IS written free-hand.


Add colour!



Fill it up and add glitter!




Happy birthday mei nu!! Although this is very, very, very late. =)